Go 2 Guy: A dog, a casino and the open road

The Go 2 Guy's road trip from Seattle to Phoenix was scheduled to end last night, but at this moment I'm still 275 miles from the Valley of the Sun, throwing a tennis ball into Lake Mead for the Go 2 Pup.

Willie and I are waiting for a huge backup to clear so we can cross Hoover Dam, which is tied up by construction.

We just left Las Vegas, where I played Texas Hold 'Em and Kasey Kahne to win whatever race he was in yesterday at 5-1 odds. Willie waited -- impatiently, I'm sure -- in the Binion's Horseshoe parking garage.

I somehow emerged from the $2-$4 Hold 'Em game $170 richer, if feeling sheepish about it. A man at the table named Art was 103 years old, and the fact that some of his chips turned into mine didn't stop me from taking them but did make me feel kind of bad.

I got over it quickly, because there weren't too many of Art's chips in my stack. He usually folded early. I drew some great hands, but my favorite of the day was held by Art, who finally won with a straight, beating all of us whipper-snappers but good.

The trip was memorable for many reasons, not the least of which was hanging out with my dog and seeing parts of the country I've never seen or hadn't seen for years. Although it took more than three days -- 25 hours in actual driving time -- I never had to take my shoes off for security or sit in a middle seat while the guy in the aisle seat took my armrest.

So after 1,800 miles, this question: Would I do it again? I don't know. I've still got to drive back first.

SATURDAY RECAP: After spending Friday night in Burley, Idaho, we drove through Utah on I-15 for most of the day, stopping in St. George for the night.

We were less than two hours from Vegas, but the angel on one shoulder kept saying: "Stop here and experience some natural beauty tomorrow. Go to Zion National Park, then head to the Grand Canyon."

She was eventually drowned out by the devil: "Zion, Schmion," he said. "And remember what your daughter said about the Grand Canyon -- it's just a big hole in the ground. Don't listen to that winged witch -- head to Vegas, you fool!"

These thoughts raced through my head as I tried to take a nap in room 103 at the dog-friendly Red Cliffs Inn. Then something else woke me up.

I rolled over and saw the time on the little clock radio: It was 5:40 p.m., and I was 38 miles from the Oasis Casino in Mesquite, Nev. The Suns and Mavs were set to tip off in 50 minutes.

If I drive like mad, I can get action on the game at the Oasis sports book, so I did, and I did. Astute Go 2 Guy wagered $50 on Phoenix plus 4 1/2, and took Memphis plus 13 against San Antonio for $50.

The Suns and Grizzlies were outright winners, but I frittered away half of the profit at the poker table.

You know you're in trouble when the dealer knows several of your competitors by their first name. They are locals, and you are the visiting guppy.

I also get concerned when I see grizzled veterans who can shuffle chips into place with one hand. They usually have towers of neatly assembled chips.

I don't play that much, and when I do, my chips are all over the place. They are rarely stacked because there aren't enough to stack, and when there are, they never resemble skyscrapers, just condemned condos about to disappear.

But I'm cocky enough to sit down and think: "This guppy's gonna kick your butts regardless."

As a Hold 'Em player, I'd say I'm a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, not horrible but certainly not good. I know you're supposed to have a poker face so no one knows what your cards are. I have no idea if I have one or not.

On Saturday night, if my playing partners were trying to read my face, they had to read my chin. That's because I kept looking up at the TV in the corner, trying to get a Suns-Mavs score.

At one point, I reached nirvana: No kids, no responsibilities, and I've got a Corona with a floating lime. I see "Suns 38, Mavs 31" scroll by, and then the dealer flips a 9 on the river, giving me a full house of 9s over 2s.

Don't ask why I stayed in with a 9 and a 2 -- I think they were both hearts, or more likely, I was bored, impatient or both.

It's a cruel game played by fun people and mean people. The little old lady to my left had a dwindling chip supply but was about to win a pot. She and one mean man were the only two players left.

"You got a straight on the river?" the mean man said as the little old lady revealed her cards, indicating he must have lost.

But, bam! He flipped his cards, showing a full house of Queens over 9s in a huge display of bad karma. The little old lady looked like she'd been kicked in the gut, and if you've played this game, you know the feeling.

SPORTS BOOK SHOPPING: The dumbest bets in the world are the ones in which you wager on a team to win it all. I'm smart enough to run away but dumb enough to stand there and bet them anyway.

I put $20 on the Seahawks to win the Super Bowl at 22-1 odds, and steered clear of the other Seattle pro teams. Before the season, you could have gotten 60-1 odds on the Sonics to win the NBA title at the Oasis. Now they're 5-1.

Before acquiring Richie Sexson and Adrian Beltre, the Mariners were 100-1 to win the World Series. Now they're 20-1.

I also bet on golf, putting $20 each on three players to win the Masters -- David Toms and Stewart Cink at 30-1, and Chris DiMarco at 25-1. Tiger Woods is favored at 2-1.

Then the Go 2 Guy did something so out of character that I had to take a shower when I got back to the Red Cliffs Inn.

I took the Huskies for $50 at 18-1 odds to win the NCAA championship. In an interview with NCAA investigators late last night, I lied about it and said: "Nah, I actually took the Cougs to win the NIT."

I later came clean, admitting I did participate but only because I thought it was an auction. I also wanted to make it clear that I made a "bid" on the Huskies; I hadn't really "bet" on them.

Unless it violates some sort of newspaper ethics code, I plan to give that ticket to some hoops-crazed Huskies fan in a contest to be named later.

TRAVELOGUE THREE DOTS: Regarding the topic of dogs in hotel rooms, the manager of the Red Cliffs Inn confirmed that humans are much more likely to cause damage. The worst case in her 10 years there: vomit all over the carpet and walls that took scrub brushes to remove, and three days of fumigating before the room was ready again. I hope it wasn't 103. ... The Go 2 Pup swam in five bodies of water, the most pristine of which was Utah Lake near Provo at the base of the snow-capped Wasatch Mountains. ... I know you're supposed to keep your hands on 2 and 10 of the steering wheel, but if driver's ed schools ever need someone to teach driving while throwing tennis balls for your dog, I'm their guy. ... Lowlight of the trip: driving through Spanish Fork, south of Provo. It brought back sad memories of the Go 2 Guy's adopted horse, still-winless Spanish Forks, named after this town. ... If you ever make it to Mesquite, Wolf Creek is a must-play golf course. ... And more than 1,500 miles after it first came on, the "Service Engine Soon" light has not gone off.

P-I columnist Jim Moore can be reached at 206-448-8013 or jimmoore@seattlepi.com. His columns appear Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

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