Popping Off: The Diana deluge is just beginning

I remember precisely when I learned that Princess Diana had died in a car crash under the Pont d'Alma in Paris. My father-in-law approached a group of us on his porch in New Hampshire with the news; he had been listening to the radio before lunch. And I remember my reaction: complete, stolid indifference.

Ten years later, it is almost as if "the people's princess" is coming back to life. Last month, her two sons sat through a long interview with the "Today" show, shortly before serving as hosts for the "Concert for Diana" at London's Wembley Stadium on what would have been her 46th birthday. America's best-selling non-fiction book is Tina Brown's cut-and-paste biography of Diana, which leaps from an inside account of Westminster City Council politics to Diana's mother's use of a velvet glove in sexual foreplay, in just 300 words.

Pity poor Pope Benedict, trying to hawk his book about his Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ -- who he?

Welcome to the summer of Diana, and prepare yourself for more magazine covers, mawkish tributes, and the tingling of cash registers as everyone who ever eavesdropped on a royal cell phone call practices necronomics on the beautiful young woman's corpse. You think it's over? Honey, we are just getting started.

Right behind Brown's "The Diana Chronicles" comes Christopher Andersen's "After Diana: William, Harry, Charles, and the Royal House of Windsor," a hack job that seems to be faltering in the marketplace. On The New York Times' extended bestseller list, Andersen is 16 spots behind Pope Benedict's "Jesus of Nazareth." I mean, really.

A former editor at People magazine, Andersen is famous for writing books about people who are dead or have no interest in speaking with him -- preferably both. He has penned such bestsellers as "George and Laura: Portrait of an American Marriage"; "Jack and Jackie: Portrait of an American Marriage" (that title again!); "Bill and Hillary: The Marriage" (again!); and "American Evita: Hillary Clinton's Path to Power."

Andersen has pawed through the Diana morgue before, to write "The Day Diana Died" and "Diana's Boys: William and Harry and the Mother They Loved." He is obviously a very caring person.

People magazine will soon release its own heartfelt tribute, "Diana, An Amazing Life: the People Cover Stories, 1981-1997." People splashed Diana on its cover 54 times. I wonder if TimeWarner ever contemplated donating 10 percent of the millions it made off Diana to one of her charities? Just a thought.

Diana's Memorial Fund won't be waiting around for handouts from the publishing harpies. They're publishing their own book, "Diana, The Portrait: Anniversary Edition." Publishers Weekly calls this authorized edition "tasteful and keenly decorous." Tasteful and decorous are adjectives that remind me of horny-handed talk show fossil Larry King. He, too, is coming to market with a special Diana tribute, "The People's Princess: Cherished Memories of Diana, Princess of Wales, From Those Who Knew Her Best." Three of the essayists cherishing Diana's memory in this confection of treacle didn't know her best. In fact, they didn't know her at all.

Look for more sonorous notes to be struck at the end of next month, when the House of Windsor will convene at the Guards Chapel inside Wellington Barracks for Diana's memorial service. Diana's family, the dreadful, grasping Spencers, will be there, as will the "rottweiler" -- Diana's pet name for Charles' second wife, Camilla Parker-Bowles.

I know what you're thinking: How is Prince Charles handling all this? He sagely ducked the Wembley concert; the music was too youthful, he told the British press. But it's not as if he's been frittering away his time. Charles has spent much of the year achieving carbon neutrality in his vast, British taxpayer-supported household. He is using fewer airplanes and helicopters, and he converted his Jaguar and Land Rover from gasoline to biodiesel, made from used cooking oil. That is according to a report released by Charles' private secretary, the aptly named Sir Michael Peat.

The report, printed on recycled paper in vegetable-based ink, also noted that Charles "offsets" his fossil fuel use at Highgrove, his country estate, and at his two homes in England and Scotland.

I imagine that Diana couldn't have cared less about luxury cars that run on fryer tailings. And frankly, who could blame her?