Seduction coach shares his secrets

Observation: There are many beautiful, available women in Seattle.

Logical follow-up: Where are the men?

Answer: They're here, but they may not be ready to approach these potential catches.

One possible solution: lifestyle coaches like Ronald Lee, a Vancouver, B.C.-based mentor schooled in the art of modern seduction theory.

Lee eschews the idea of wooing women through mind games in favor of connecting a prospective date with the authentic guy hiding behind a shy and awkward exterior. For three years, he's been taking men through the steps toward making them better boyfriends and potential husbands.

So, single Seattle men, if you have problems meeting -- and connecting -- with attractive women and you're willing to fork over more than two grand to do something about it in a totally legal fashion, you can have a chance to make a love connection with the woman of your dreams.

From Friday through Sunday, Lee and several of his coaches will be in Seattle to put men through "Art of Attraction" workshops and taking the "students" on in-the-field sessions in Belltown and other nighttime hotspots to apply what they've been taught.

Lee, 32, whose Man Meets Woman company has taught workshops in New York and throughout Canada, said that, in his experience, Seattle women are friendly and want to meet men, but he thinks the guys here suffer from the Seattle "freeze" factor.

"They have their own little bubble," Lee said of Seattle men. "The women are not at fault."

He continued: "They (the men) are too shy. I don't see too many arrogant guys, but a lot of them are really stuck doing their own thing. Maybe in Seattle, more so than in other cities, because of technology, guys are afraid to approach and talk to women. That's the whole point of what we're coaching. If a guy can go out there and learn to approach women, whether it's two minutes or 10 minutes, their whole social life can change."

Would-be pickup artists and guys who want quick tips on getting lucky may not find what they're looking for in Lee's coaching philosophy.

"I've read other people's materials in the past and I find it to be low-level," Lee said. "A lot of men who rely on tricks and technique, they approach every girl the same way. They have canned material and still expect to have good results."

That's not what he teaches, he said.

"There are some guys with no social skills. They don't have the confidence to go out and meet women. I take these guys and give them skills on how to talk to women, how to approach women," he said. "We take it as far as dates to relationships."

Lee and his coaches will take small groups -- ideally, five men -- on the town Friday and Saturday nights after a few hours of classroom instruction, deconstructing past experiences and figuring out how to get past blocks to talking with women. The Man Meets Woman philosophy is all about who you are and how you convey yourself.

"Every guy has value. A lot of guys brought up in today's society have been taught wrong information. They don't know what value they have. These are corporate guys or guys that program computers. (But) it's not just with those guys. I get good-looking guys who are terrified and afraid of approaching a girl. They're afraid they'll stare at each other blankly."

Lee will speak to men probably intrigued by the same wave of seduction theory he was a part of a few years ago, a subculture exposed and made famous in 2005 by Neil Strauss in his book, "The Game."

About a decade ago, Lee was part of "the community," a subculture that created the language of modern-day lust and made it a lexicon for 21st-century lotharios. In that world, "negging" women was the norm, in which these seducers would hook the opposite sex by using backhanded compliments and ignoring them. Lee broke away from the likes of Toronto-based Mystery -- the most famous of the seduction crowd, it charges up to $5,000 for a similar weekend -- and created Seductionboard.com to start spreading his variation on techniques and philosophy.

He's still friendly with guys from that other world. Good friend Zan Perrion, who was named in "The Game," will be the featured speaker in Seattle.

"He and I have the same fundamental beliefs about women: You have to appreciate her for everything she is. You also (must) understand how women want to be spoken to and treated. However, even though we have the same fundamental beliefs about women, our material is quite different. I talk about the process, getting from point A to C, how guys can become this guy. He's more interested in what this guy really is, what C is, what is the end."

Lee admits that even though he has a long-term girlfriend now, it took many, many years of heartbreak before he got it right. But once he did, he knew he was onto something.

"There's a crossover with other teachers," he said. "Some of the material is derivative, but the core concepts I teach I believe drive my success. You have to have a connection with someone, then you'll expect to see each other again. A lot of guys give a girl a phone number, and then they walk away. If you spend five minutes talking to that person, chances of getting a date are exponentially high."

Lee says no guy should think he is out of his league.

"If he has the right mindset he can go up to any girl and get her. I'm teaching men how to speak emotionally to these women in a way that creates sexual tension and connection and makes these women want to chase them. . ... I really believe honesty, sincerity and authenticity is what will make the difference to guys going up to a girl and saying the same thing (as other guys)."

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Some tips and tools for men from lifestyle coach Ronald Lee on how to connect with women, reprinted with permission of the Victoria News. For information on this weekend's Seattle seminar, visit manmeetswoman.com.

Should you offer to buy her a drink?

"No, not right away, or else you're the third guy that night in a long line of guys offering to buy the woman a drink only for her looks, without getting to know her. What happens? She takes the drink, talks for a little bit, then leaves you. Only buy her a drink after you have gotten to know her first, and then only because you want to, not to earn her favor."

Using pickup lines?

"Unfortunately, pickup lines don't work, as demonstrated time and time again. It's more important that the guy is interesting, charming, curious, whatever. He needs to have something there to support whatever comes out of his mouth."

A good opening line?

"How about, 'Hey guys, can I have a female perspective ...?' "

Being honest and saying she is beautiful

"Works very well, but the man must have a game plan. Meaning he can't rely on one or two traits to get her emotionally excited. He must lead her through a series of emotional experiences."

Appearance

"A man who is well-groomed and dresses well will make a favorable first impression, which is very important. Eighty percent of what we think of people when we first meet them is formed visually."

Body language

"The more relaxed the man is, the more this communicates to the woman that he is a man of quality, and his relaxed body language will in turn make her relaxed."

Kissing

"When there comes a time in your interaction with a man, or woman, where everything is going very well and you guys are moving closer together with sexual tension, and you wonder if you should have kissed that person a few seconds ago ... the answer is probably yes, you should have."