THE MEDIA ARE filled with stories of moms struggling to balance work and family.

What about dad?

In this era of increased co-parenting, dads are more consumed by the search for an ever-elusive balance of work and family. Yet, as Father's Day approaches and dads look around their offices, factories and stores, they may not find too much help.

There are changes. Work-life benefits are popping up at some local offices: a kid room, a handbook on building flexible work weeks, even a toy-train table.

"We realize it's really important to being competitive. More than that we want to have people not feel like work is a sterile environment completely separate from the rest of their lives," said Richard Law, chief executive of Kirkland-based Allyis, which offers paid paternity leave and other family-friendly benefits.

But Allyis's dad-and-mom-friendly workplace appears to be the exception rather than the rule. Flexible work may be more available, but it is not always taken. Paid paternity leave is not significantly more common today than 10 years ago, one study found.

That may create problems, because research shows dads are more involved in child rearing. Even though the split is not 50-50, more dads balance school drop-offs and sick-bed duty with evening business meetings and trips.

And both moms and dads worry their careers could suffer if they use those flexible hours, though men worry more, and both say it's "less socially acceptable" for a man to seek flexible work, according to a paper by work-flexibility firm Catalyst.

"Men are very afraid that using flexibility will affect their career negatively," said Laura Sabattini, Catalyst's research director.

When Jude O'Reilley was job hunting in January, flexibility was at the top of his wish list. In fact, the West Seattleite ruled out companies with a reputation for poor work-family balance. With his first child due in March, O'Reilley would be in charge of the 4 a.m. diaper change, feeding the baby dinner and running the bath and story time.

He already lived through the 1990s tech boom, and he didn't want to repeat that grind. But he rejoined that world in February, when took a job at Seattle-based Trusera, an online health information start-up.

Trusera is a place where everyone works long hours, but also where the chief executive may take off at 3 p.m. for his son's T-ball game, and send an e-mail to staff at 11 p.m. that night.

"We may have to work long hours because of the problem we are trying to solve. But when we work those hours and how we work those hours is up to us," said O'Reilley, who typically logs 55 to 60 hours a week as head of marketing.

It is a balancing act because O'Reilley may want flexibility, but he chose a start-up, and all the demands that come with it.

"I also want to do something that my boy would be proud of," O'Reilly added.

Not every worker has O'Reilly's luxury of flexible hours. But a group of Seattle companies offer dads and moms new tools to create a better balance between family and work.

In an anonymous Kirkland office park, Allyis looks like any corporate headquarters, with a gleaming glassed-in conference room and subdued lighting. But when you turn a corner you run into a toy-train table, beanbag chairs and a collection of playthings.

Four years ago, the personnel- and technology-support firm created a kid area so workers would feel comfortable bringing their children to work if there was a gap in child-care or a vacation day at school.

Toy trains and trucks are just two of Allyis's family-friendly benefits, which also include six weeks of paid paternity leave, child-care reimbursement and a lunchroom where parents are encouraged to eat with their kids.

The benefits represent as much a business decision as a lifestyle, company CEO Richard Law says, because the perks reduce stress on his staff, limit turnover and help attract top talent.

"We don't really look at it as fathers separate from mothers," Law said.

The arrangement works well, Law adds, with younger kids sticking close to their parents or the play area.

"It is not 'Lord of the Flies' here," Law quipped.

Allyis isn't alone in the Seattle area. Pace Staffing Network, for example, offers workers detailed instructions "on how to structure a successful flexible work schedule," according to "When Work Works: 2008 Guide to Bold New Ideas for Making Work Work" by the New York-based Families and Work Institute.

"I think that the real change is among employers who used to think of flexibility for women only. That is just not true any more," said Ellen Galinsky, president of the institute. "There is a real understanding that fathers want to be more involved."

There are broader dad-centric changes. Over the past decade, men reported getting more time off to spend with their new children, and Galinsky says younger dads are more aggressively pushing for personal time. But, too often dads and moms don't use those benefits, and there is still a long way to go, Galinsky suggests. In the future, she sees a greater reliance on telecommuting and flex time that works for both employee and employer.

Experts also suggest that managers need to change their perspective and encourage workers by using the benefits themselves.

Maybe the biggest step is to stop thinking of work-life balance as an issue for moms, or dads, says Catalyst's Sabattini.

"As long as they are viewed as only a women's issue they will always be viewed as accommodations rather than business strategies," Sabattini said.