When Julie Davis was pregnant, a misinformed co-worker snatched a peanut butter-and-honey sandwich out of her hand and threw it in the trash. She thought she was doing Davis a favor.

When Stephanie Gipson was in her third trimester, she drank about two glasses of wine a week, but rarely in public. The dirty looks were too much.

Lori Heller could never figure out which fish to avoid or which cheeses were pasteurized, things a pregnant woman should know. But whenever she drank coffee at work, there was no shortage of advice: "Really?" was always how it started. "It's not decaf?"

For many moms-to-be, eating for two is a baffling obstacle course around off-limits foods, with Byzantine medical rules, worries about birth defects, endless unhelpful opinions and an overwhelming amount of health information.

Mealtimes are loaded with questions, for which answers are invariably gray: Was the queso blanco on the enchiladas pasteurized? Will anyone care if I have a beer, second latte or piece of brie?

Into that fray comes more confusion. Last month, a British medical journal published a large study concluding the lower the amount of seafood a pregnant woman ate, the higher her chances of having a child with poor motor and social development and lower verbal IQ.

The findings appear to counter longstanding U.S. recommendations that pregnant women limit the amount of seafood they eat because of mercury concerns.

As if eating wasn't complicated enough. What's a pregnant woman to do?

"It's a little bit tough," said Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su, an instructor at the University of Washington's Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology. "I don't think we know the whole story on mercury and fish."

"I'm confused by it," said Lisa Greenberg, a certified nurse-midwife at Group Health in Seattle. "I'm not quite sure how to weigh the risks of mercury against the benefits of fish."

For now, both health care providers are sticking to the same guidelines for patients: Choose fish that are low in mercury and eat in moderation.

That's little consolation to Heller, a 39-year-old Seattle mother, who wonders if her seafood abstinence during pregnancy has anything to do with her 15-month-old son not yet walking.

"(It's) really frustrating," Heller said. "Here you think you're doing something good, and then you find out you're not."

During her pregnancy, she found the fish guidelines a conundrum. Every Web site seemed to have a different list of high-mercury fish. She couldn't remember if wild or farmed fish was the one to avoid.

While at a restaurant, she tried looking up online, through her phone, a fish she wanted to order. (It was sturgeon). But the more she searched, the more confused she got, and she could feel the waiter's impatience boring into her.

In the end, it just seemed easier to take prenatal vitamins with omega-3 fatty acids and avoid everything that swam.

"It is such an enormous responsibility -- carrying this child and giving it the safest and best environment -- there was always this underlying fear I was doing something wrong," Heller said.

For many women, the recent uncertainty over fish is just the latest thing to fret about. Obstetricians and midwives often warn patients about alcohol, cold deli meats and soft cheeses to guard against birth defects, but some women find that the restrictions turn into nine months of stress.

Dietary advice often differs from doctor to doctor. Some tell patients to avoid all soft cheeses, such as brie and camembert, because they may harbor a bacteria that can kill fetuses. Others say the cheeses are OK if pasteurized.

Similarly, some doctors recommend avoiding deli meats, while others say they're OK if steaming hot.

"There is a ridiculous amount of information out there about food safety," said Davis of Seattle, whose daughter is now 12 months old. "I admit I did become a victim of food fear."

As an older mother who delivered at 36, Davis was particularly worried about birth defects. She had once forgotten the cold cuts rule and panicked after eating a deli sandwich. She worried a chocolate chip cookie had too much caffeine. She abstained from alcohol.

"I just figured, why risk it? It's only nine months," she said.

Other women go the opposite direction to defy traditional food rules. Gipson, a 31-year-old Seattle graphic artist, refused to give up her customary ham-and-cheese sandwich for lunch when she was pregnant, but did cut down to three days a week. And she continued to drink wine.

For many women, alcohol during pregnancy remains the biggest question mark. Most health care providers tell pregnant patients to abstain, because they don't know how much is too much when it comes to causing birth defects.

But many know their patients still drink and provide a squishy blessing: A few sips of wine or beer are likely fine, but only in the third trimester.

"If they're having a glass of wine once in a while, it's probably safe," said Dunsmoor-Su, who, like most doctors, prefers that her patients totally abstain from alcohol.

"But I can't tell my patients, 'Yes, it's definitely safe.' "

Gipson said she could live with that kind of risk assessment.

"My mother and the generation of mothers before her didn't know anything. They smoked, they drank, they ate whatever. I turned out OK," said Gipson, whose son is 5 months old and healthy.

As for fish, the latest study did nothing to sway her. She rarely ate it while pregnant, because she didn't like it, and she'll do the same if she becomes pregnant again.

"I think if you read the books, you would wind up only drinking filtered water and eating broccoli."

FIND OUT MORE

Advice on fish from the state Department of Health (more specific than federal advisory):

www.doh.wa.gov/ehp/oehas/fish/fishadvwomen.htm

Advisory from FDA and EPA: www.cfsan.fda.gov/~dms/admehg3.html

Q&A with Joseph Hibbeln, lead author of fish study published in The Lancet: msnbc.msn.com/id/17177330/site/newsweek/

A 2004 P-I story on a large study of carcinogenic chemicals in farmed and wild salmon: seattlepi.com/local/155971_salmon09.html

For information on general food-safety tips for pregnant women:

Center for Science in the Public Interest: cspinet.org/foodsafety/brochure_pregnancy.html or the March of Dimes: marchofdimes.com/professionals/681_1152.asp