Local comic is planet's 'best joke-teller'

Have you heard this one?

Two men are at the beach. One has, like, 25 women swarming around him. The other friend gets jealous and leans in and says, "Hey man, what gives? What's your secret, you know, with the ladies?"

His friend leans in and says, "The secret is ... "

We can't give you the punch line because, a) it may not make the family-friendly cut, and b) it won't have the same effect as when it's properly told, and c) we won't deprive you of Chris Cashman's spot-on impersonation of Christopher Walken telling this joke.

By going to comicwonder.com and searching under "Captainhilariousness" you can find this and seven other jokes, including the "Puzzled Sister" bit Cashman told to clinch his win as the first-ever Comic Wonder of the Year, aka "the best joke-teller on the planet!"

OK, maybe that's stretching it a bit.

"Comic Wonder is in its infancy, so being Comic Wonder of the Year 10 years from now would be more of an honor," said Cashman, 30, the four-time Emmy-award winning son of local TV and radio personality Pat Cashman (of "Almost Live!" fame). "But I liked it as a new site because it brought back the art of joke telling. We all get these e-mails and it's easy reading a joke to misinterpret it."

The title, which came with $2,500 and a T-shirt, hasn't gone to his head. Cashman is the first to admit he's a corny guy who loves doing random impersonations. Comic Wonder gave him an excuse to flex some fun.

Cashman competed against 400 people before being named one of five finalists judged for the best performance, not so much the best joke. The more character voices, sound effects and acting in the joke, the more judges weighed in its favor.

Other factors included how well the joke was received by the other 1,200 users on the site in terms of number of plays, how many fans it has, how many times it's e-mailed, comments made about it, etc.

The site's co-founder, Jeff Fitzsimmons (whose wife, Kelly, is co-founder), said the site has had 50,000 unique visitors per month from 72 countries since it launched in November.

Fitzsimmons lived in Seattle for about 11 years, working in the local film industry before moving to Milwaukee to be with his then-girlfriend, now wife.

One of the judges, Comic Wonder's "Head of Humor," is a funny man recognizable to "Animal House" and "Seinfeld" fans: Mark Metcalf, who played Niedermeyer and The Maestro, respectively, in the film and the TV show. He also has performed at the Rep with Christopher Walken in "Hamlet" (and has the scars to prove it).

Comic Wonder, Metcalf said, "harks back to really great joke-tellers and radio. You rely totally on voice and timing. It becomes a particular art form."

Cashman definitely left a good impression on Metcalf, who said, "I think he'd be a lot of fun to have a beer with."

Fitzsimmons added, "A joke typically has a surprise ending, but Chris takes it and turns it into something that's able to surprise you because he's a good storyteller."

Cashman adds sound effects to enhance the telling of some jokes, creating, as he calls it, "the theater of the mind."

On his Comic Wonder bio, Cashman explained the inspiration for his jokes.

"After nearly 30 years studying with comic minds in Tibet, I have returned to this country to bestow my material upon your ears. My jokes come from nearly 2,000 years of funny monks. Some come from Googling 'funny jokes.' "

He's serious about Googling for jokes. He admitted he's not the kind of guy who has jokes at the ready. But he is glad he was able to use a joke he'd been told by his father, one he called "Amazing Recovery."

Cashman became a ham to follow in his father's footsteps, making fake commercials in home videos when he was only 9 years old.

The Washington State University graduate was able to do his own version of "Almost Live!" -- called "Night Time" -- while he was in Pullman.

After working at KSTW/11 for four years and receiving four regional Emmys for "Best Talent" (an all-around title for hosting and moderating shows such as "Cashman's Buzz" and "Movies on the Run," and doing UPN junkets for films like "War of the Worlds"), he was part of a downsizing that decimated the station when it lost network affiliation. Now the father of an 8-month- old daughter, his "studio/office" is his downstairs coat closet -- after he took the door off.

He freelances: producing webisodes for Microsoft, emceeing events, producing radio commercials and making videos.

Whenever he can, he works with his father. The two can be heard locally on Taco Time ads and will collaborate on the regional Emmys in June.

"I love TV broadcasting. I grew up watching my dad. I was fascinated by it," Cashman said. Back then, he said, "TV personalities were allowed to be cornballs. It's so rare now."

But he said being the son of such a well-known local ham is "a double-edged sword."

"As fantastic as it is to say, 'That's my dad,' " Cashman said, "people assume my success or how I get jobs is because I'm his son. The only way to combat that is to try to prove otherwise."

IT'S A JOKE

You think you can tell a joke? Try doing your own version of Chris Cashman's winning joke, "Puzzled Sister."

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The other day I stopped by for my weekly visit with my, well, not-so-bright sister, God love her. We get together every week, you see, and watch one of our favorite movies. Only this time, she had another idea.

SISTER: "Oh my gosh, this is gonna be so much fun. We're gonna mix it up a little bit. I got us, like this totally awesome jigsaw puzzle. It's gonna be, like, rad, but it's super confusing. I can't even like get it started."

CASHMAN: "OK, well, uh, what's it supposed to be when we're done? What does it have a picture of on the box?"

SISTER: "Um, let's see here. It's a tiger, I think. Let me find the box. Here it is."

CASHMAN: "Ohhhh-kkayyy. Uh, look, we're not gonna be able to make this puzzle look anything like the box."

SISTER: "Oh, my gosh! Don't underestimate me! I'm, like, really good at jigsaw puzzles."

CASHMAN: "No, no, no, it's not that. Let's just relax, watch one of our favorite movies and just kick back tonight, OK? And later on I can help you put all of these corn flakes back in the box.