Articles of Faith: Is message of compassion misleading kids?

THE DALAI LAMA, spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism as well as the head of Tibet's government in exile, is in Seattle this week for "Seeds of Compassion," a multifaceted event aimed at encouraging compassion in children.

Meanwhile, the cause of Tibet, which has been ruled repressively by China since 1959, is in the news daily as people protest China's hosting of this year's Summer Olympics.

The juxtaposition of the two, the Seeds of Compassion event with its earnest counsel to Seattle's children to be kind and compassionate, and the real-world struggles of political repression and protest, raises questions about the message of Seeds of Compassion.

On a video at the Seeds of Compassion Web site, the Dalai Lama, 72, speaks of himself as a person of the 20th century, a century that is leaving "a lot of problems." But, continues the Dalai Lama, young people and the next generation can change this through the practice of compassion, which is the key to happiness.

In a carefully worked-out educational curriculum for school-age children at the same Web site, compassion is described as "understanding how another person feels, caring about others, and showing concern through kind thoughts, words and actions."

Children are encouraged to study the Dalai Lama as a "hero of compassion" and to be "heroes of compassion" themselves. Examples of compassion include, "understanding how another person feels, caring about others, adopting a pet, doing your part to take care of the environment, spending time with someone who is lonely, or taking time to listen to someone who is suffering or sad."

The message of Seeds of Compassion to children is that if we practice kindness and are more sensitive and compassionate toward others, problems will be overcome and the world will be a better place. People just need more understanding, empathy and compassion.

Is that really true? Does such a message prepare children for life and the world? Or does it actually ill-equip children for a world where powerful nations invade smaller neighbors?

In a very real way, the "China syndrome" of unchecked nasty and aggressive behavior bedevils us on multiple fronts in contemporary America. A China syndrome wreaks havoc in work places, civic groups and in not a few institutions of our common life. Simply encouraging people to be nicer can be misleading and counterproductive. Unfortunately, not everyone is susceptible to empathy, reason or understanding.

I speak from the experience of working in and with religious congregations where people are quite likely to embrace a message like the one conveyed by Seeds of Compassion. If only we are more compassionate, understanding and reasonable with this person or that group, they will come around. They will see the light and stop wreaking havoc in the lives of neighbors or the community.

In many congregations, a "culture of nice" prevails that disallows naming bad behavior or evil and confronting it. People invoke words like compassion and love for a practice I have come to think of as "peace mongering." Peace mongering means being so averse to conflict that people will do anything to restore or give an appearance of peace and harmony, including letting bullies who may disguise themselves as victims have their way. Peace, or the appearance of it, becomes more important than progress. Being nice is more important than confronting nastiness. Too often in such situations, people demonstrate an unreasonable faith in being reasonable!

Situations of international conflict are instructive in another sense as well. Historians tell us that nations sometimes deal, or avoid dealing, with their own internal conflicts by going to war with some other nation. This happens on a smaller scale as well. People with internal or family problems sometimes avoid dealing with their own problems by creating little wars or constant skirmishes wherever they go.

Of course, kindness and compassion are important and should be taught. Even more important, they should be practiced.

Children tend to learn such virtues more from example than exhortation. But to suggest that if only we are more understanding and compassionate and everything will be fine, sets children up for disillusionment. There are times when what is needed is not more empathy, but the capacity to say "no." There are times when what is needed is not more sensitivity, but a willingness to challenge people to grow up.