Alice Fritz's life changed forever three years ago today, when Barry Loukaitis opened fire in a Moses Lake classroom. Her son Arnie and two other people died that day.

Barry Loukaitis is led to his murder trail in August 1997. AP file photo

Ever since, Fritz has been haunted by questions about Loukaitis, who was 14 at the time. Why was he teased unmercifully and why did his cries for help go unanswered?

"No one could have saved Arnie," she says, "without saving Barry first."

If there is one message that can be gleaned from her anguish, it is to other parents: Get involved. Know what school policies are, and know what's going on with your kids.

"It's all too easy for parents to drop their children off at kindergarten, then pick them up in the 12th grade and wonder what happened in between," said Ronald Stephens, director of the National School Safety Center at Pepperdine University in Malibu, Calif.

Parents must talk to their children daily to find out what happens at school and regularly visit teachers and principals, Stephens said.

"Typically youngsters don't just come on to a campus and start pulling the trigger of a gun. There have been warning signs," he said. "But it does take someone who knows the student, who knows them by name, someone who is monitoring what's going on."

A recent statewide survey conducted for a group of news organizations found that two-thirds of the adults polled thought schools have become less safe in the last 10 years.

And while they don't think school safety is a crisis, they're concerned enough to look for new solutions, particularly adding counselors in elementary schools to help problem students.

But fewer than half said they would support higher taxes to pay for the counselors or a security officer in every school, according to the telephone survey of 828 adults conducted Jan. 11-14 by Mason-Dixon Political Media Research Inc. of Columbia, Md.

School officials say -- and national statistics continue to show -- that schools are the safest places for kids. In fact, the number of violent deaths in American schools has declined slightly since 1992.

But experts also note that the number of kids who are angry, confused and prone to violence is on the rise in schools across the country.

And with recent school shootings in Moses Lake; Paducah, Ky.; Jonesboro, Ark.; and Springfield, Ore., parents and educators worry that the unspeakable could happen in their child's school.

Experts say parents and educators can lessen the chances of a tragedy by working together and no longer assuming the other is doing an adequate job of teaching youngsters to solve problems non-violently.

Merrill Oaks, an education professor at Washington State University in Pullman, said parents should not be afraid to ask teachers and principals how to get involved. There's lots to do. They could monitor halls or parking lots, help in the office, tutor or help raise money.

Peter Sheras, a clinical psychologist in Virginia who works with schools nationwide to prevent youth violence, said parents also should "ask many questions of their schools to make sure things are in place in case there is a crisis."

Important questions include whether the school has a crisis plan, the names of school contacts for parents if their child is being bullied or has other problems, and what programs are in place to teach students to resolve conflicts peaceably.

"I think parents need to go in with a sense of partnership with the school," Sheras said.

Experts in preventing violence and even some school officials insist schools are not prepared for a crisis or equipped to teach students how to stop violence from occurring.

"Academic scores are the only things schools are held accountable for," said Scott Poland, a school district psychologist in Houston who headed a national crisis team that responded to school shootings in 1997 and 1998. "Everybody asks where the scores are, but nobody asks where the safety plan is."

Poland said every school should take 30 minutes a day to teach how to handle anger peaceably and to accept diverse cultures and opinions.

Some schools in the state's 296 districts are facing the safety issue by adding high-tech tools such as surveillance cameras, changing the architectural design of new schools and hiring their own police force to patrol campus.

Seattle Public Schools, for example, has authorized use of hand-held metal detectors in some schools.

The Moses Lake School District now uses surveillance cameras and staff identification badges. The district, on the recommendation of a local task force, also added an alternative middle school targeting kids who were not thriving at mainstream schools.

The Bellevue School District, which last fall formed a Youth Violence Task Force of district, community and law enforcement personnel, recently added a special tip line for students or citizens to call and anonymously leave information regarding other students with weapons.

The Lake Washington School District has added a walkie-talkie system and uses both school safety officers who patrol the parking lot and a community police officer who frequents schools so children will get to know and trust him.

In the Legislature, State Superintendent Terry Bergeson is requesting $2 million every two years to develop a statewide "Youth Safety Center" Web site to better coordinate current research, information and advice for educators and parents.

Violence-prevention also involves school training programs that help teachers keep students in line, instruction to keep gangs from flourishing and parent-training sessions.

Administrators also are focusing on the little things before they grow into major problems.

"Bullying and putting people down are one of the biggest sources of violence in our schools," said Jerry Painter, general counsel of the 67,000-member Washington Education Association.

"It starts out small, but unfortunately too often it ends up big and tragic."

Virtually all schools are stressing violence prevention through staff and student training.

Pegi McEvoy, safety coordinator for the 47,609-student Seattle School District, said schools are training peer conflict managers at younger and younger ages so students are better equipped to deal with disputes.

"They definitely find it makes a dramatic difference," McEvoy said, adding that school climate usually improves and students feel safer.

A new violence prevention initiative in Seattle seeks to identify students who are at risk of lashing out. The district is working with mental health experts to develop a "lethality assessment" to help recognize the warning signs, McEvoy said.