Love Bytes has struck a nerve – apparently one close to the heart. We asked you, the readers, to send us your true stories of techno-romance and we’ve been overwhelmed by the response ever since. Following is the unedited version of our reader’s cyberdating tales. Although there are a few stories of heartache, most of you reported happy experiences. So here’s to a happy Valentines Day.

Just wanted to pass along that we are a VERY happily married couple who met online. Dawn lived in Albuquerque, NM and Paul lived in Seattle, and both were devoted football fans. Lo and behold, both were chatting in the Pro Football chatroom on America Online... and were immediately drawn to each other. We met face to face after about five months of online chatting and phone conversations. We both say that it feels like we have known each other forever... and once we actually met, there was no doubt that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together.

We were married in September... and there are now 3 couples who have met in this football chatroom who are married or soon taking the plunge. I guess the main thing is neither one of us were LOOKING for someone online... in fact, we were both married... but meeting online allows you to get to know someone intimately without any of the other trappings, like what you look like.

It may sound like a cliche but I believe soulmates are drawn together online... and that is what we are. It wasn’t easy getting to where we are today... two marriages broke up, although both were very unhappy ones... and I relocated to the Northwest to be with Paul... but it was so very much worth it! Honesty is the key here... we never pretended to be anything but ourselves online... and it indeed did lead to a true and lifetime love.

Dawn and Paul, Seattle

I’m living proof that online dating can and does have happy endings.

August of 1999, Cameron had disappointed me one too many times. I realized that our relationship was never going to be what I was searching for and decided I should move on. I should mention that I met Cameron through the personals. We dated 14 months, but it was now clear to me that he and I were not looking for the same type of relationship. Having made up my mind, I did the right thing by telling him I intended to begin to date others and why. Cameron, always a gentleman, said he understood and wished me luck. We parted friends.

Within days I had posted my profile with one of the on-line dating services. I had responses from a number of men. I dated four or five guys a few times, but didn’t meet anyone who really stirred much excitement in me.

I admit to being a hopeless romantic. I wanted more than compatibility. I was looking for that special spark. I wanted the magic.

Each evening I would spend hours browsing profiles and answering responses to my ad. After about three weeks I came across the profile of a man named Dean that really peaked my interest. I could tell from his profile that he was a sensitive man, and definitely a romantic. I sent him a message and invited him to view my profile and asked him let me know if he had any interest in getting to know me. I heard back from him the next day. We began exchanging e-mails regularly. I found out he was from Fargo, North Dakota but had moved to the northwest about 5 years earlier. He had a passion for fishing. He was in sales. I learned that he was smart and that he had a wonderful sense of humor.

It wasn’t long before we took our relationship to the next level; talking on the telephone. This new dimension added to the attraction we already felt for each other. The first conversation we had lasted an hour and a half! The frequency of the calls steadily increased. We would chat for hours at a time, never running out of things to say to each other. The more we learned about each other, the more interested we became. After just a few weeks we agreed to meet face-to-face. That was September. Our first "date" was set for a Tuesday night at a Redmond eatery.

I will never forget that night. I walked into the restaurant and Dean was waiting at the door as I came through. He said, "Dianne"? I said yes, hello Dean. We took a table outside and ordered drinks. Dean was very handsome and had class. I was, however, surprised by his quiet and bashful manner. This man who conversed so easily for hours on the telephone was nearly speechless as he sat across from me. Sensing his nervousness and I did my best to keep the conversation rolling. After an hour or so Dean began to relax. Before the end of the evening he admitted he had not expected me to be such an attractive woman. He also was impressed with my demeanor, and my sense of humor. The evening ended well and we agreed to see each other again Saturday evening.

Our date on Saturday night was much more relaxed. We talked and probed each other with questions about each other’s backgrounds, experiences, hopes and dreams. We discovered we shared the same values. We had chemistry, no doubt about that. Towards the end of that evening, we shared our first kiss. The kiss was as soft as velvet but delivered an impact as strong as a bolt of lightening. When our lips parted, Dean looked into my eyes searching for some sign that I had felt what he felt. He said, Dianne, I think there’s something really specially happening here. I looked at him and all I could say was yes, I know, I feel it too.

It was our third date that Dean announced that he was falling in love with me. He confessed that he knew it the first time he saw me. We clicked on every level; intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically. We seem to fit together like pieces of a puzzle. My explanation is that we must be "split-aparts", a term from mythology referring to two kindred souls.

We began to talk about marriage. Where would I want to live? What kind of a house do I want? When should we get married? We talked about a summer wedding, but it seemed too far away, too long to wait. We moved it up to Valentine’s Day, 2000. Then, a few weeks later, we decided to get married on New Years Eve of the millennium.

The entire time we were planning our future life together, we were busy looking for an engagement ring.

This project consumed Dean. He had a quest to find the perfect ring. It was early November when he took me to see a ring that he thought might be the one. It was. The ring Dean picked out for me was absolutely stunning. It was a three-karat round diamond set in a band of gold and platinum. He slipped it on my finger and I began to shake uncontrollably. He laughed and asked if he could take that to mean I liked it? We laughed, and held each other sharing the happiness of the moment. I could not believe that I would be wearing such a magnificent ring.

We were married on New Year’s Eve in a little chapel in Leavenworth, Washington. This little village nestled in the mountains was the perfect location for our wedding. Throughout the town, the rooftops of shops and houses as well as the towering evergreen trees were outlined in white twinkle lights. It was like a fairytale setting and completely enchanting.

We thank God for leading us to each other and for the happiness and peace we have found. Dean is the love of my life, he is everything I ever dreamed of in a man.

Dianne (Partika) Lester, Redmond

When I was 16 and living in the Midwest, there was a girl in this band and I saw her picture on their record and thought: "Damn!" Time passes. A lot of time. It's been about 10 years, and I've moved across the country. I meet a guy here in Seattle and discover that he went to prom with this girl that I'd daydreamed about so long ago.

She is a tough cookie, but also brilliant, funny and beautiful. She came here from DC and spent New Years with a guy she met over e-mail (me), in the city that ruined the celebration (Seattle) and it was the best New Years I can remember. I'll be with her in DC on Valentines Day.

It's all been surprisingly normal and really exciting. When all you have are words and instant messages (maybe some pictures e-mailed as attachments after a few weeks) you seem to get through a lot of the junk that you miss/ignore when you're standing face to face.

Adam, Seattle

Technology be praised! I met my soul mate through cyberdating. He placed an ad (first time), and I responded to it (first time). We corresponded over the internet, talked on the phone, met for dinner a few times, and the rest is history.

He proposed to me about one month later. We are in the process of purchasing a home, and our wedding is scheduled for August of this year. We both truly feel blessed that we found each other. This medium makes it easier for people to get to know one another through e-mail, I believe, and gives those of us who may be a bit on the shy side a way to meet someone. I < >am not the type that goes to bars, and I work in a professional setting, 40 hours a week. He is the same. I could go on, but suffice it say it worked for us!

Rita Morro and Rob Kneisler, Des Moines

I bought webtv in the summer of 98 and my daughter is the one responsible for sending me a pen pal site. I have always been fascinated with Australia...so went straight away to pen pals in Australia. Well there were four men listed who wanted e-mail pen pals and the first one was George. I e-mailed him and he answered that night and sent one of his published poems along with the e-mails. I aughed until my sides hurt it was so funny. We e-mailed at least 6-8 times a day the month of July and August and then the end of August he came for his first visit in the USA. He was so nervous as I was, but the minute he stepped off the plane , it was like coming home. We discussed everything under the sun in our e-mails , and the really nice part was we didn't have the physical part getting in the way so we were able to really get to know the other one's heart.

He stayed for 2 weeks and then I went over in October for 17 days...and he came back with me on the 5th of Nov. We then made glorious plans to be married...2 days after Christmas, and the rest is history in the making.....I was one of the very lucky ones in cyber romance and thank gosh Bill Gates had something to do with webtv : ) We celebrated our first wedding anniversary last Dec 27th , and will be moving to

Australia sometime soon after immigration is through...

Never ever been happier.

Diane New, Edmonds

"You've got mail!" How I used to live for those words. Today, those three words are almost as popular as "I love you." "So what," people say, but I think it's very important...because that's how I met my husband, Bill.

Tired of being single, alone and bitter I placed a personal ad through Web Personals. Bill, tired of being lonely in Kirkland, was cruising the Web stumbled onto my ad when he decided to check out some of the Oregon women.

My ad read, "Hey, my Mom thinks I'm cute." Not being one to pass up a good one-liner, Bill felt compelled to respond, "His Mother thought he was >witty, charming, and sensitive." After that, the e-mails was off and running.

We corresponded daily for a couple months, and then graduated to the phone. Not many people can boast that they felt comfortable enough to discuss their scars on their first phone date. But we had become such good friends. Oh, in case you're wondering, he won by having the most. His Mom didn't say he wasn't clumsy.

Bill wanted to see who was making him laugh, and I wanted to see who had so many scars, so we met. What had started as a quick one-liner and witty banter, turned into a deep friendship and after many trips between Corvallis and Kirkland, we got married last May. I feel that we are soul mates and without cyberdating, we never would have connected.

Susan Larson-Warner, Kirkland

Watch out.Some people use cyberdating to commit adultery. This was the case with my now-ex-husband. Ironically, the site he used was the so-called "Christian Connection Matchmaker" service, which still exists.

Amazingly, he did identify himself as "separated" and women went after him anyway, but I imagine there are plenty of married people out there >cyberdating.

Amanda, Edmonds

Cyberdating is the greatest thing since sliced white bread! The year is 1996 and to paraphrase the country song, "we were cyberdating before cyberdating was cool". Now, we’re not talking about the 20-something group here. We have both seen 40 come and go and been married before. But neither one of us is church-going, or is into bar-hopping, and meeting like-minded singles was proving difficult. From separate places and different approaches, we figured, what the heck. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Both of our friends and families thought we were crazy and were going to get killed or worse, and what kind of loser would be looking to find someone on the internet anyway?

We had each signed up for an AOL account sometime in 1995. John placed a short, sweet, to-the-point ad in early 1996 on an AOL service called Net Girl that read " - - looking for friendship, and …? in the <Smalltown>, OR area. Must be honest!" Margaret had just taken a contract job in Seattle but her home base was <Smalltown>, OR, and her eye was always caught by anything that mentioned it. Thus she couldn’t help but respond – the ad was so sincere, and it was someone in <Smalltown>.

We corresponded in depth pretty much nightly for about 2 weeks; even did some "IM"s (Instant Messaging, for those uninformed) and were open and (mostly) honest. We did violate the caution about using public phones and gave each other our home phones sometime in the 3^rd week. After another week of phone calls and e-mails, we met for dinner at a restaurant in <Smalltown> and the rest, as they say, is history. Margaret found a job back close to home in OR, and we moved in together. Lived "in sin" for a little over a year and were married Sept of 1997. Happy? Well-matched? Oh my my, oh hell YES!! It don’t get no better than this.

It’s not that we don’t know there’s strangoids out there, cause there certainly are. But this is, after all, the 21^st century, the internet is here to stay, and it is as good a mechanism for meeting someone as most, and better than some. You can tell a lot about someone by the style of their writing and the words they choose – more than just whether they finished 8^th grade.

We are, always have been, and always will be proud to tell anyone who asks that we met online.

John and Margaret, Seattle

My boyfriend Darell, and I met in a chatroom for persons with disabilities. ( I have spinabifida and he has a spinal cord injury ) He lived in California. We began chatting privately a bit, and found much commonality. We both had reputations as being bold, outspoken individuals. Both of us were single parents, and were active in disability-rights issues. We decided to exchange photos & phone numbers. Since Darell was former military turned government computer tech, I expected to see a geek with a crewcut & horn-rimmed glasses. Image my surprise to receive a photo of a muscular, long-haired blonde. (I hadn't paid much attention when he mentioned being a wheelchair marathoner & a surfing champion.)

After many late night night phone conversations, we began to discuss meeting in person. About this time, another Puget Sound area chatter decided to host a Memorial Day barbecue/chat party at her home. I invited Darell up to be my date for the party. The day Darell departed for Seattle, he phoned me THREE times..."geesh", I thought to myself, "you would think the guy believes he will get stood up". He gave me an unexpected Huge hug when we met at the train station. I later learned it was because he was so relieved that I had actually shown-up! There was great chemistry between us. He even got along well with my kid! Two weeks later Darell quit his job and moved to the Seattle area.

Linda, Kent

I will be marrying a man I met in a chatroom almost 3 years ago now on St Patrick's Day. He lived in the Bay area of California and I lived on the Olympic Peninsula here in Washington. We discovered through chatting that we were both raised about 25 miles apart in Oregon. We chatted about 6 months before we met and have lived together for 2 1/2 years and like I said will be married March 17, 2000. I am all for "cyberdating" I see it as just another means to meet people you might not of otherwise. Actually my ex-husband met and married his current wife in the same chat room I use and they have a son that is almost a year old. I have met probably 20 or so other chatters and have what I would consider many life long friendships built from chatrooms with both males and females.

I do agree with your set of "rules" you do need to be cautious and think with your head not your heart... you don't know for certain that the person you think you know so well on the computer will be that same wonderful person when you meet in real life. But all in all I wouldn't trade a single second of my online experiences for anything.

Shellie , Redmond

IIn the fall of 1998, when my boyfriend of 3 years left town with no plans to return, I decided to try to make some more friends (I'm from out of state) to fill some of my free time. I checked out some Web sites that had personals for "friends only".

One ad that caught my eye was from a man who'd recently been through a breakup and was looking for someone to share his love of movies and books, nd having fun around the city, but specified that he was NOT looking for a elationship. He was in the communications industry.

I wrote back because I also loved books and movies, and had originally majored in communications. We were about the same age, and didn't live too far apart (2 important criteria for me).

As it turned out, he had written the ad a year earlier, and had just never removed it. In fact, he routinely deleted replies, but for some reason, he read mine. He wrote back. I replied. We spent several days e-mailing and talking. We found out we had similar "breakup" stories and a lot of background in common. Though he had moved on and was ready to date again, he agreed with my wanting to be just friends. We decided to meet at a movie, since that was what had brought us together.

HE says he knew I was "the one" at that first meeting. *I* was thinking, "oh, he's so short". (he's not much taller than my 5'2"). But we did make reat "buddies", and it was not too long before were spending every spare moment together. This, of course, was a romance, despite our agreement to be just friends". On Valentine's Day, he proposed and we were married over the summer.

So a shot in the dark really can turn up the love of your life, and cause 2 otherwise rational people to dive into a whirlwind romance. Cyberdating is pretty much like any other blind date method. Some work out, some don't. I had some really fun dates, some that I prayed would soon be over, and the three years with my former boyfriend was started as an on-line friendship.

So my advice would be to go out there and look, exchange lots of e-mails and make sure you meet your date in a public place, and that people know where you are. But keep an open mind, since the person you meet might be "the >one".

Donna, Seattle

My story begins one late night in the summer of 1998. I was sitting at my computer in my home in Lacombe, Alberta Canada. Just surfing as I had done most nights when something compelled me to try the random chat button on ICQ. It took what seemed like forever for a name to pop up but I had said to myself whoever it is I will talk with and it would be the last time I ever used it again. Man was I wrong. The name Damom 38 popped up on my screen and I sent a short hello. What followed was to be the beginning of one of the most fantastic romance stories of my life. She was from California and I was from Canada but the times we chatted online seemed like we were in each others arms. There was no talk of sex or any of the stuff so commonly spoke of in these rooms. It was a very adult thing yet we always felt like little kids. As the months passed there came an incredible need to talk to each other on the phone. I must say it was one of the funniest moments in my life. We set a time to talk for the first time and when the phone rang I stood there in shock. When I finally answered it and said hello, I heard this purely angelic little voice that brought tears to my eyes. It was at that moment I knew we had to take our relationship to the next level. She had since moved to Seattle and I knew it wasn't that far to travel to meet her so we made a date. January 3rd 1999 in Seattle. For those of you who have been through the meeting for the first time yet being so very much in love thing, you know just how I felt. For those of you who don't...It is the most incredible feelings you will ever have in your lifetime. I was a wreck to say the least and by the time the plane landed everyone onboard knew I was going to meet my Cyber Sweetheart for the first time. As I walked up the stairs into SeaTac airport I was staring at everyone trying to see her face. Then as if out of a dream my angel girl appeared in a beautiful red skirt outfit with a smile as big and bright as the sky. We ran to each other shaking and crying and kissed that long odd scary first kiss. It was without a doubt my first experience in heaven on earth. As I gazed over her shoulder I saw everyone from my flight clapping and some were even crying. It just made it all the more special. Then it was off to Lynnwood to get to know each other in the present tense and to meet one other very special little lady. Her daughter Rachel. Who by the way is now just like a daughter to me. So to make this Love story of the nineties a little shorter I will skip to 2000. Donna and Rachel received there immigration papers in December and we will be moving back to Canada to start a brand new life and we are planning to get married in the fall. I will end by saying that it is my opinion that meeting on the Internet is a very wonderful way to get to know someone. Learning about someone from the soul to the skin is the most profound way of becoming one with another person. I know that it doesn't always work out for the best but if everyone stays honest and truthful there is no limit to what can happen.

Brent A Holtner, Lynnwood

My story is short, but sweet. It was the throbbing hearts in an ad for MatchMakers.com that grabbed my attention. It was as if those hearts were beckoning me to click on them. Curious by nature, I clicked. Wary of on line personals, I proceeded with caution. Before I knew it I was filling out info and answering essay type questions. My answers were brief and honest. After all, I wasn’t looking for a date so I had nothing to lose, right? I was just wondering what kind of person would respond to what I wrote or take the time to read it. Before two minutes had passed, I had mail! I was sucked in. Flattered by all that mail, my ego was soaring and I was chatting with all kinds of people. Soon I realized I was only replying to one person and found myself eagerly waiting his response to my letters. Many, many letters later, we decided to arrange a face to face meeting at a coffee shop.

As I was driving to that coffee shop I started second-guessing myself. I had never done anything like this before. Why am I doing this? Will he be disappointed? Will he show up? I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure why I was so apprehensive because I knew so much about this person after all those letters. As I opened the door to the coffee shop, there he was. I immediately knew it was him by the big smile and warm eyes. We ordered our coffee and pastries and the rest is history.

Today is the anniversary of that first face to face meeting. As traditions go we will make our annual drive back to that coffee shop, sit in the same spot and remember that first meeting. This time as man and wife and baby in tow.

Stacey Fritz, Mill Creek

i am a cyber dater, with some success and some failures. basically, my theory has been that there are weird and normal people out there just like everywhere else. (bars, friends of friends, etc!) if i am somewhat normal and am cruising the online ads, doesn't it stand to reason that there are other normal people out there doing the same thing???

biggest "failure" wasn't really even a failure so much as 2 people looking for different things on different wavelengths. responded to a newspaper ad that made me laugh and laugh (read something >like "lion tamer, opera singer, calvin klein model...and pathological liar seeks.....") ah! i should have known! we got along great on the phone and then met for coffee, which went ok. at the end, he said >something to the effect of "well, since i received so many responses and am trying to meet everybody for coffee, i obviously haven't made a decision yet" WHAT??? what is this? cheerleading tryouts?? i hadn't felt so put on the spot since high school. needless to say, he never heard from me again. i was just trying to meet people, really!

and on a happier note, i am currently engaged to a man whose ad i responded to a little less than a year ago. his ad seemed refreshing after sifting through page >upon page of ads just asking for sex. he seemed normal. we e-mailed for a few days and then agreed to meet. he actually offered to pick me up and i actually agreed. i know, i know, it goes against good advice. he aid later that he didn't even know why he offered, he didn't usually nd i never usually would have accepted, but we somehow both knew it was safe to do so. we hadn't even discussed looks; i just emerged from my apartment building looking...and there he was. i wouldn't say that either of us knew that night that this was "it" but it wasn't too long after. he's just everything i've ever wanted. ironically, i responded to a bunch of ads the night i wrote him and never heard from anyone but him and no one responded to his ad after me. is it fate when you go looking for it??? i'm not sure, but i am happy....

Naomi, Seattle

While I was in college I didn’t realize how much fun I was having, how easy it was to find a date for the weekend. Once I graduated from college and moved to Seattle in search of my first "real job" loneliness started to creep in. I found the great job I was looking for, but I couldn’t find a date anywhere. What's a 23 year old guy who's not into the bar scene to do? Jog around Greenlake hoping you muster enough courage to say hi to that cute blonde sitting on the bench? Tried that, it didn't work. After useless months of relying on my "charm" to find a date in QFC, I thought I'd try the internet. What could it hurt? I hit the Yahoo Personals and liked it right away because it was free. If I could find an interesting woman and save money I was set. I responded to around 7 ads, thinking the more I wrote to the greater chance I would get a response. To my delight I got a few responses right away. After a week of e-mailing back and forth with "Linda" I gave her my phone number and told her to call me because I was tired of typing. I guess that didn't sound very romantic, but at least I'm honest. We hit it off on the phone and agreed to meet at Red Robin the following Friday night at 7. I had a date! I was really looking forward to my first internet date and told all my co-workers about it. They were more excited than I was, figuring that if it worked for me then they had a chance online. I wasn’t nervous that week, but on the drive to the Red Robin I started getting the nervous butterflies and sweaty palms. What was I so worried about? Oh ya, I had no idea what she looks like. I was going to have to wait outside Red Robin for a sorta tall blonde girl with a black skirt on. I got there 5 minutes early and I started my pacing. Where the hell was she? Don't people show up early anymore? Was I going to get stood up on my first internet date? As I continued my pacing, unbelievably 3 blonde girls in black skirts walked in by themselves. I was too chicken to ask each one of them if they were "Linda" and figured that if they were my date they would hopefully recognize that I was the only white guy waiting by himself. My frustration grew as each one of the girls proceeded to the bar by themselves. What was I doing here? "Linda" finally showed up 7:15 saying there had been a car accident on I-5 and that she was really sorry she was late. No problem, I said. We sat down and ordered and had a great conversation and dinner. She was a very lovely girl, very sweet and had a great sense of humor. But sadly there really was no chemistry between us. After all the work that went into this internet date I was a little disappointed that nothing more came out of it, but I at least had found a new friend that was in the same dating situation I was in. The experience gave me hope that online dating can actually work, and I’m ready to try it again.

Travis Shields, Seattle

In December of 98 I had joined matchmaker for Christians on the net. You gave an extensive essay on yourself along with a photo. I had just been through a stressful relationship with a non-Christian and decided that I had enough. I met people from all over the world. One day I came across a man named Doug and I loved what he wrote and the several pictures he had posted. I wrote him a quick note and he responded right away because apparently he found me the day before.

That was on December 14. He lived in Washington State and I lived in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He flew up to see me on New Years eve of that year and stayed 5 days. We had a wonderful time and he proposed to me. Two months later on Valentines day we were married at my friends house in Calgary. We then started the immigration process. It was long and very expensive to fly back and forth between countries but finally in October of 99 I quit my job, sold my condo and moved here. A month later I finally became a permanent resident and now we are starting our life.

Doug is my soul mate and he is a precious gift from God. It has not been easy to get here but nothing that is worthwhile is easy. We are so very happy and we will be celebrating our first anniversary on Valentine's Day. People should never be afraid to take some risk in life and if your heart and mind is in a good place you will seek people that has the same mindset as you. I chose the Christian matchmaker because I wanted a strong Christian man in my life that puts God, me, children, work in that order. Doug and I are very much in love.

Doug and Sandy Malich, Bellevue

As a divorced male of mid-life station and with a large portion of quality left to my time on this mortal coil, I thought it would be safe, easy and fun to do some searching for a significant other via the Internet. I spent an average of an hour per day on-line searching the photo galleries of dating services and came up with a handful of ladies who seemed to have a light shining from their likenesses. I wasn't looking for raw beauty or glamour; I was searching for a spark of life and liveliness in the eyes and a sense of humor (which may or may not come through the camera lens).

I began to write letters to these five or six discoveries and found that their expectations of men were just a bit too lofty. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on their part to believe they could find someone to meet all their needs, but I was not about to be placed in that position. I was not their deliverance, I decided, and expanded my range of choice to other neighboring states (Idaho, Oregon and even, yes, California). More choices and letters followed and suffice to say I was left disappointed. I did find one woman with whom I could laugh, discuss and argue gently, but after meeting in person (in Ashland, Oregon after an eight-hour drive) we knew immediately that there was no chemistry; not even a little.

Thus, I expanded my search again and then again and finally found a land largely undiscovered for dating: Russia and the Commonwealth of Independent States. What I discovered was tens of thousands of women from that part of Eastern Europe who are wanting nothing more than someone with whom to share their lives, preferably somewhere other than their homeland. There were two reasons I settled on this area of my search:
1. The women there are so grateful for the attention that they are more than willing to give it back tenfold; and
2. The physical and emotional beauty of women in that area of the world can be characterized only as remarkable.
I saw that light showing through their eyes and recommenced my serious search.

I have found three ladies with whom I share a correspondence and all are in Russia. I had visited Russia back in 1991 and plan to return sometime this year to meet one or more of these women. I am studying Russian and two of the three are studying English, the third speaking it well enough already.

As for their expectations, I am happy to say they are modest and able to be realized by this mortal man. One of them asked me whether there were no good women here in the U.S. A very good question, that; and I answered this way:
There are tens of millions of good women in this country, but I had a major problem finding one who was a near match who was also available to me. I also find that we Americans are still trying to figure each other out in this age of feminism and political correctness; and I believe we are stuck and somewhat suspicious as a result. The answer for me was going outside the American cultural fabric to an area in which happiness can be found in simpler ways and in which the recipients of kindness truly appreciate the giver.

Thomas, Seattle

Love in the cyberworld -- I've been there, done that, though somehow I haven't managed to find the right T-shirt. I've met about 15 or so men I connected with online. Here's some of my thoughts.

A friend of mine has a wonderful saying for obstacles or disappointments: "Oh well, another opportunity for growth!" Here are some of my growing experiences. One guy said in his ad that he was interested in the physical as well as the metaphysical. When I replied, he indicated that he was a witch, though mostly only for good purposes. After I expressed surprise, he asked what I thought the metaphysical meant ("um, spiritual?"). I went ahead and met him for dinner since I'd never, at least to my knowledge, dined with a witch. During dinner he said that he could read my mind. I doubted his abilities when he didn't seem to know that I had almost e-mailed to chicken out at the last minute, and that I found him extremely pretentious. And witches have a belief in leaving meager tips, I guess.

And how can I forget Mr. Toupee. We had exchanged some e-mails and it seemed that there were some sparks between the lines. We met in a mall coffee shop and I knew immediately that he was wearing a toupee. I'm all for a person being just who he/she is -- I mean, what if it flew off in the breeze or came off in my hand? Yeesh. It was Christmas time and we walked around the mall. He commented on the off duty Santa. "That's a great weave job he has there. They really blended that beard in nicely with his own hair over there on the sides." Followed by silence at having too much knowledge on that particular subject.

Then there was the guy so stuck on himself that after the meal I went to the ladies room to find a window to escape from. I would've done it since I could've walked home. It was too small, so I went back and had dessert.

In my best positive experience, we met at his condo for the first time while he was giving a party. He promised to keep the door unlocked in case I wanted to flee. It was a great way to get to know someone pretty well -- see their place, meet their friends. It was a small party, and throughout it his friends told me how brave I was to go on a first date like that. I had a feeling it would be OK. I liked it all -- him and his friends -- and we dated for about a year. He's a lovely fly fisherman with a gentle spirit and a quick laugh. During the time we dated, his friends continued to comment on my bravery at choosing to meet that way. I enjoyed having shared that first encounter with them. And, I'd definitely look for another fly fisherman to date.

Sometimes I feel uneasy about making a judgment call about a person after maybe just 30 minutes. Several guys who became good friends I might have dismissed as jerks when I first met them. They are actually jerks in some ways, as am I, and it may well be our shared jerk-like qualities that led us to grow so fond of each other. It seemed to be the time we spent together and our shared experiences that melded our lives. I also know enough to know that "love at first sight" can lead to some mighty "growth-filled" experiences -- and a psychiatrist's next few boat payments.

I've learned a few more things from my experiences. I usually suggest coffee/tea since if it's a complete disaster (like the gorgeous young guy with his nose high in the air) I can order a small size and gulp it down quickly. Or, if it's going well I can nurse my latte, and hope we might move on to dinner or a movie. But, I've learned that most men will tell you within the first 5 minutes what you're in for if you continue to date them. Here's some of what I've heard on first dates:

-"I'm like a puppy dog. Invite me in and you won't be able to get rid of me." I had to change the locks when I booted him out.

-"My friends at work and I are going to put in a personal ad for a woman we work with and not tell her. She'll think it's really funny." Yeah, a laugh a minute, pal.

-"Yes, I'm married but I'd still like to see you. How about if I pay for lunch today and you pick it up the next time." At least he's honest, though he may be starving even as I type.

-"When I fall for a woman I think it's important that we put each other first. I like to know what she's doing 24 hours a day." Think "run away very fast." Think "needy psycho stalker-type."

-"My dog is my best friend. She loves me just the way I am." Translated as "I have no real friends and you'll have to fulfill all of my needs."

-"My ex-wife and I fought all through the divorce. Pardon the expression, but she really is a bitch. I can't believe the judge gave her full custody of the kids." Or, in my ears, "I'm so immature that I put the welfare of my kids second to proving I was right. And, women who fight for what they want are bitches." A good friend of mine, when I need it, asks me whether I'd rather be right or be happy.

-"I don't let exterminators in my apartment because I don't trust the chemicals. And I don't eat microwaved food because those rays are deadly" In fact, he did a little too much LSD in his day and the roaches ruled his roost. The flashbacks were a bitch.

-"I haven't been with a woman in 2 years and I'd like to give you a massage back at my place." Can you say horny, desperate, and naive?

Reliving these experiences as I write about them, I'm delighted at how unjaded I remain. My sense of humor has been my healing balm for the wounds to my pride and ego from that promised call that never made it, though it's probably false pride and ego, all in all. That's what fear does to me -- it builds up a veneer that I hope will be acceptable to the world. Heaven forbid anyone knows what I'm really like!

I'm grateful to have a nice-sized group of people who know what I'm like and like me anyway. I'm glad that I was married for 13 years to a wonderful man. One of my dearest wishes is to find that friend who will also, and inevitably, be my lover. Dating is such a comedo-tragic-serio-comic-traumatic-whatever experience! That any given two people of the appropriate gender for each other manage to find each other and are able to have personalities flexible enough to be with each other for a certain period of time is such an amazing thing! And, that people seem to do it every day keeps being a source of wonderment for me. I guess the universe has its way of unfolding as it should....

MaryAnne, Queen Anne

I began cyberdating about 3 1/2 years ago. Just for something to do, and possibly meet someone special. I went thru friendfinder.com for my dates, and tried to stick to men near me geographically. I wrote to and met several over time. I would make sure to write them for at least two months before a meeting, and some I wrote for much longer. There were several that needed weeding out almost immediately. I seem to have a pretty good knack for picking up on the nuances and lies of the bad ones.

I had a bit of a problem with the HWP requirements as I was about 70 pounds overweight at the time. Some guys are real sticklers for that. And then others actually seemed to care about me, and not my size. I was always perfectly honest with the guys and still had a few that ran for the hills as soon as they met me. Then there were the weird ones that would continue to want to see me. (there are always those).

I actually have retained two that I dated as good friends, and they will always be friends. Great guys, just not my type. And I dated a really BAD one that brought the worst out in me. (Not into controlling people too much). He was great at first, while we dated he was one of the most attentive, and romantic guys I have ever known. Then he moved in and I found out his true colors.

Then one of the good ones that is a friend of mine now got me started into a chatroom that he enjoyed. I started talking to a guy that lived in Nova Scotia that was in that channel. We sorta gravitated to each other, and started spending a lot of time talking online. Then, phone calls, then, he came for a visit. Well, one thing led to another, and after a year of talking back and forth, he moved here to Washington, and we got married. We have now been happily married for over a year, and needless to say, I am very happy that I got a computer!

A hint or two for cyber daters:

1. Always chat for a good while before meeting.
2. Always meet in a public place.
3. If you get a bad vibe, RUN! Always trust your instincts.
4. Don't rely in pictures, as they aren't always complimentary....the first picture I saw of my husband, I told him he looked like a geek. And he did. :o)
And don't judge them by their appearance, looks aren't everything.
5. Always be honest with one another. It is always a bad thing if you decide to meet, and it turns out you or he isn't what you led them to believe.
6. Don't expect to find someone for just a tumble if what you really want is a relationship.

Lorine Cleveland, Onalaska, Washington>

Cyberdating works. I've been married to my Internet sweetie for a year and half now. He is a wonderful guy. I kissed him the first time I met him and asked him to marry me 6 months after meeting him.

Trust me on this one, you have to go through a bunch of rejects before you find the right one. Over a period of 6 months, I weeded through over 250 guys before I even got down to 14 that I met in person. Not one of them was worth a second date. Heck, over half of them weren't worth the FIRST. 15 >was my lucky number.

How did I wade through all those Brad Pitt's without losing my mind? First question to ask is "what's your waist size?" Unless the guy is a out and out liar, he will always give the correct size. Proceed accordingly.

Jill Bangart, Port Orchard

I am a 36 year old single mom of a seven year old and like most these days do not enjoy the bar scene. My sister, who lives in Oklahoma, signed me up for the dating service Matchmaker.com for an early Christmas present. She told me she didn't want me to become an old maid. At the time I was not to happy with my sister but did fill out the profile and essay section of their site. I found some of the questions a little ridiculous like how is your sock drawer!! was one of them. I was very cautious and corresponded with several but found that the first question I got was why did I not post a picture, well, I wanted to maintain some privacy and I was looking for that special someone and really wasn't browsing for looks only.

I went out on several dates, with several people and found that for the most part what was portrayed in the e-mails and phone conversation was pretty accurate. I did have my weirdo e-mails and a few dates and some rejection that you have to learn to deal with. I went out on just first dates sometimes but dated a few several times and learned how to date again. My sister signed me up for the service in September of last year and in November I met Max, we corresponded by e-mails for quite sometime and than talked on the phone. We went to dinner and talked for 2 1/2 hours about everything and I really enjoyed myself. We parted and he told me he would like to see me again and I remember getting home and thinking he is special. We dated and I invited him to my office Christmas party and we had a blast. It has been three months, and we see each other all the time and I have met his friends, he has become part of my daughter's life and I have to say I can see spending the rest of my life with Max. I can say that as skeptic has I was at the beginning and I did meet some frogs and had to deal with some rejection it has been a good thing. If you think about it, how in today's busy schedules are you too meet people. Feel free to call me if you have any questions

Diana, Issaquah

Honesty? Honestly...

As an island dweller I find myself geographically challenged when it comes to dating. At the insistence of my nanny I was lead to the Internet. I answered a couple of ads and then braved the airwaves with an ad of my own.

The ad was a bit picky and stated so, thus the return rate was low. However, one interested looker and I began exchanging transmissions and shortly exchanged phone numbers then quickly scheduled coffee. As I was new to this it never occurred to me to ask for a photo first. Big mistake, if ever anyone tells you they are not a movie star, believe them, when I saw this guy I thought immediately...not a movie star, you are not even an extra!!!

Lesson learned. The next date and thus far the only other, seemed very cool. Saw the photo on love@aol, checked out okay. The ad was not what I would normally have selected but did have some intriguing verbiage so I thought what the heck. He sounded like a pompous ass, one you might want to hit but after the first e-mails he convinced me that in fact his good friends were trying to help him get dates and placed the ad for him. Being that I am smart and have integrity it never occurred to me that someone would be dishonest. In hindsight I think I must have been born yesterday. This guy made and then broke three dates with me and I kept going back for more. During which time it was noticed on his photo that he may only have one arm, is this why he keeps breaking dates I ask myself? (Come to find out it was hidden behind his back.) At this point I was determined to find out though.

Finally he stepped up to the plate and showed up. I had many questions as to his evasiveness all which of course he had reasonable answers for...except...how does one fall asleep while instant messaging someone about what a great package they are??? FALL ASLEEP!!! I am wondering if he forgot to mention that he was narcoleptic. The great date followed with a thank you note, lots of compliments and then the disappearing act. Only to be contacted when he was out of town or at late hours, didn't answer direct questions (you guessed it, he would fall asleep at the breath of a question he didn't like), the disappearing act for days... Enough was enough and I e-mailed him letting him know. After a week he read that letter and cordially replied with yet another apology. And letting me know he wanted to remain friends...friends??? Just because we kissed doesn't make us friends, honesty and integrity would be a better start at that. I noticed him on line after having read the Love Bytes article on Monday and scanned the excerpt about the 4 red flags from KISS.Com to him. I told him it seemed appropriate and he politely replied "thank you for the article." Thank you for the article??

Don't you get it?? This is YOU!!! He then apologized again for causing me any grief. Perhaps it is time to change my screen name that includes smrt to smrtr! Is there love to be found in Seattle...the million dollar question...NEXT!

Ruby, Bainbridge Island

Yes, you can find love on line! We did!

We meet in an AOL Chat room in Jan 97 got married with Chris and Dana of Kiss 106.1 on New Year's Eve. 1997. Have a beautiful daughter born in Nov of 1998. And feel blessed everyday to have found someone to share the rest of our lives with.

Doug and Karen Johnson, Mill Creek

I purchased my first computer in January 1997 and began my surfing experience. I began chatting with someone fairly early on in my surfing days. It started out as playful banter. Then turned into 3 and 4 hour chats 3 or 4 nights a week. We then exchanged phone numbers and began talking occasionally., but still our main means of communication was in chat rooms on MSN. We then began chatting on AOL's Instant Messenger because this way we were sure that we were the only two that could see our conversation.

I guess I should tell you that during this time I was living in south Louisiana and she was living here in Seattle.

After a couple of months we made videos of our respective lives ( where we lived, things of interest in our respective towns, etc) and exchanged them. I must tell you that during this entire process we were both very cautious. After about 4 months we decided that we should have a face to face meeting. It was decided that I would come to Seattle over Memorial Day weekend (1997). It was my first trip to the Northwest. I stayed for 5 days and it went better than either of us had hoped. Two months later she came to south Louisiana over the 4th of July weekend. Again things continued to progress.

In September we decided to give it the ultimate test and we went to Hawaii together for 10 days. Again things were wonderful. During all of this time we continued our (now almost nightly) chats on the computer. Another few months went by and it was coming to decision time. Do I move to Seattle or does she move south. At about this time the company I was working for was bought by another company and I was a victim of the impending downsizing. I took this as my clue, and shortly thereafter I sold my house and moved to Seattle. I have now been in Seattle for about 18 months.

We have been engaged for about 2 years now and will be married on August 12, 2000.

So it is true to be careful, but at the same time follow your heart. We had the advantage of forming a very strong bond before we ever saw each other. We have probably talked about more things in depth than some couples that have been married (or together) for a lot longer period of time.

Well, I just thought I would share this little tale of happiness that has come true for me and my VALENTINE.

Pete, Seattle

Background: 37, divorced, white male, professional, stable job, medium height and weight, average looks, blah..blah..blah

I dipped my toe into the Internet dating scene about a year and a half ago on a few of services. I only had luck with one and didn't like the format of the other two. I have met many women on the service. All walks of life and ages. I like to keep within 5 years (plus or minus) The first woman who wrote me was a teenager pretending to be 35. It didn't take long to figure this one out, after that I was being hit on by lonely 50-somethings (oh boy! ... NOT) I have dated about a dozen women from the service in the past year and a half. Many more never got past the writing stage and most didn't get past the first date.

I've found that many people lie on the services; age, weight, income, and hobbies are biggies, if a picture is posted it's usually old. I have had many women tell me matching stories about the guys so I'm not being prejudiced here.

I think that since there are so many more men on the services than women that the women get over inflated egos (I have had some women admit to this) They get 30 or so guys hitting on them daily it must go to their heads. It makes it tough to talk to them.

All in all I've had great experiences with a couple exceptions I would rather forget. I never found a match and have gone back to the "old fashioned" way to meet people.

Advice: The people who have the gift of gab succeed in these places, t's all in the presentation.

Doug, Federal Way

Online Dating? NO WAY!!! That was my first thought, as I heard an acquaintance raving about MatchMaker.com, a nationwide singles dating chain. I moved here from Connecticut, left a horrible marriage, and drove 3,000 miles to get AWAY from him. My first words upon arriving in this beautiful state were (1) I'm NEVER dating again, and (2), I'm NEVER getting married again. I am SUCH a liar.......... I logged onto MatchMaker.com's Seattle/Tacoma edition. The questionnaire is quite lengthy and detailed, and you MUST answer every question. There is an essay section where people can get creative. The jist behind MatchMaker.com is you can search/browse/match, and they use the mandatory questions as a percentage match guide. There is a chat feature with several area rooms, but it's pretty archaic. When you go online, you can basically browse other profiles of people who are already there. The fist night online with this service I received no less than 2 dozen "hits" (when people read your profile/picture) and 8 letters from potential "dates". I really am a big believer in first impressions, and I have to say I wasn't impressed. 90% of the men who responded wrote less than 5 words, one man actually only sent 4 words, and all were misspelled! Some, you could tell right away that the letter I received had been sent to at least 100 women before me. I am at a oss as to how men "like to walk on the beach", cannot find a girlfriend (hehe). The ratio of men to women is quite high. After only one month, I literally had over 1,200 "hits" and over 40 letters, of which I only felt compelled to respond to less than a dozen. It truly amazed me the number of men who truly thought women were impressed with men just sending their physical attributes, raving how they communicate so well (yeah RIGHT), are >romantic, attentive, great listeners, yada yada yada. It reminds me of the 70's, I remember one guy actually asking me what my zodiac sign was! The >exception was a few who took the time to actually read and respond to my profile.

My first encounter was with a man named Nick. Really BAD hair (found out later, HAIRPLUGS - ACK), it became painfully obvious that this man truly thought if you told the girl everything he thought she'd want to hear, you'd hop into bed just out of sheer gratitude. The typical lines of "I'm falling in love with you" (after 1 date? oh please....), etc., was enough to make me gag on my Starbucks Mocha. He lasted a week, seems when I didn't "put out" after 7 days, he literally dropped me off at my car, bolted and dumped me the same way he found me, via the internet. Live and learn...........

My next encounter was truly the best. Don wrote the most beautiful letter. Carefully worded, honest, witty, funny. He actually referred to my profile on several occasions, which told me he actually read it and didn't respond with a mass-generated "form letter". His profile was honest, not sugar-coated in the least. I was somewhat skeptical at first, he lives 90 miles from Seattle in a very small town. He still jokes with me about all the questions I asked, I thought he was some Davey Crocket-type living in a hut in the woods. Turns out he is a successful businessman. We e-mailed back and forth for a short time, I finally gave him my phone number. He was really nervous about asking me out, but we agreed to meet at Starbucks at Greenlake. Of course, stupid me, I waltzed right by him, sat down and waited, and turned out he was sitting right there, but I was too embarrassed to ask if it was him, he finally approached me. We've been dating for almost 3 months, he is the nicest, funniest, sexiest man I've met. We talk endlessly, and because we live so far apart, don't get into the everyday rut f seeing each other too much. Our time together is precious and looked forward to with much anticipation. He is definitely a "country boy" at heart, but it must be just what I need, because we play absolutely NO games, are completely honest with each other, actually communicate well together, which I never thought I'd have with anyone. Our chemistry is unshakable, all consuming. I was definitely the more scared witless participant in this relationship. He sees and loves me truly for "me". I don't have to pull any punches with him, I just am me, amazing someone could actually like me :). He likes me, warts and all. We do have a lot in common, think alike on many issues. We have had somewhat of a culture-shock recently. He sees an animal on the side of the road and thinks "dinner", whereas I see an animal on the side of the road and think "I have to kill everyone in my car" to avoid hitting this little cute animal. I grew up in somewhat obscurity in a fancy Connecticut suburb, he is a country boy through and through, but we still joke about it, and sense of humor is key in a relationship. I even laugh at his bad jokes, and he just hugs me and tells me the nicest things

when I've had a bad day. He's a keeper....

My advice for those dating online or considering it? Dating online can be fun, but just like any other way you meet men, there re some bad animals in the forest. Trust your instincts and look closely at the responses. Does he ask questions about your likes/dislikes, interests, goals, what you like doing for fun? That's good. Questions about your physical appearance, ody measurements, weight, phone number, incessant questions about where you live, work, etc., are not good. Look closely at the ad you're responding to and read between the lines. "Quiet evenings at home" usually mean they are a slug couch potato who will expect you to cook & clean while he belches in the horizontal position with each hand on a remote. Romantic walks on the beach? If you find me a guy who has actually done that, I'll eat my cell phone. Look for honesty. Ask LOTS of questions. Truly, if a man gets mad because you're asking questions of a potential date, you do have to wonder what they are trying to hide. Have no fear asking if he's married, has a girlfriend, has children, what happened in his last relationship? A man that gives you his phone number in his first e-mails to you is someone you should RUN from, and fast. To give a phone number to a complete stranger is just stupid. Definitely meet in a public place, don't be so trusting. If a guy gives you a hard time about not offering information or asks you endless questions about where you work, live, etc., this is probably someone who is not so interested in dating you. Questions asked should be of a general nature concerning your personality, things in common, likes/dislikes, not your address/phone number/size of your breasts.

What's the rush? E-mailing each other for several weeks is perfectly normal. Guys who insist on hearing a "voice" instantly usually just want to get you into bed. People need time to get to know each other. Run from anyone who talks about sex, it's not hard to figure out exactly what they are after. Most of all, have fun with it, some women take online encounters way too seriously, they read way too much into the most generic sentence. Take things slow, those with less-than-honorable intentions are not going to stick around for long because you want to wait to get serious.........

Caryn, Seattle

I love cyberdating, and believe the odds of finding a nice guy online are better than just hoping he'll turn up in my neighborhood. After all, isn't that what statistical analysis is all about ... having a sufficiently large sample to learn all the variables?

I am a 50-SOMETHING woman, degreed, and professional. I have been cyberdating for about a year, and met some wonderful people. No bums! I have not yet met my SOULMATE, but have no doubt he is out there somewhere. I will continue to keep 'dating' until I find him.

I will offer one bit of advice ... be very clear about what you want: the nature of the relationship you seek; the level of education; and the lifestyle. It's a mistake to waste people's time.

Sonja, Federal Way

I met my husband in a chat room. I was separated from my ex-husband of 12 years, and looking for a way to meet new friends (not boyfriends, and NOT a husband) in the Seattle area. One night, at home with my WebTV, I found a Seattle oriented chat room. I was appalled at the blatant 'sex-surfing', but chatted with enough interesting people to keep me coming back.

One polite and friendly man caught my cyber-eye enough for me to break my rules and, taking him by surprise, I gave him my phone number. We spent hours online and on the phone, talking about all the heavy issues that make or break a relationship; religion, kids, money, etc.

After asking anyone in the chat room for any shred of information on this guy, I agreed to meet him. It was New Year's Eve 1998, and I was expected at a family party that night, so I drove from Seattle to Bellingham to meet him at his work, knowing I would have to drive all the way back in a couple of >hours.

We hit it off so well, I broke another rule, and invited him to my house the following weekend. He still loves telling everyone he knows how I made him sleep on the couch! By January 8th, he had told me he loved me & wanted to get married. On January 22nd he moved in. We were married December 11th of this year, and we are still living happily ever after. We have spent our first year together coping with some huge crises that might have shaken a relationship less strong than ours, but I feel getting to know each other so eeply before we met face to face helped immensely. I already knew his utlook on life & that he wasn't a quitter.

Oh yes....our first meeting....He had seen a picture of me and wanted to e more. I had only the description other online friends had given me. But fter all the heart to heart conversations we had, I knew no matter what he looked like, he was a wonderful man with so many qualities to love that I would be stupid to make my decision on looks alone. As luck would have it though, my cyber-honey is tall, dark and oh so handsome!!!!

Joanna Bailey, Seattle

It's like jumping off a cliff with no safety net....the first time you land you get a lot of bumps and bruises. The more you jump tho, the easier it gets-and you begin to create your OWN safety net.

The guy I am seeing currently I met the actual day he started chatting with me online. That was in November. Now, after vacationing with him for 2 wks, I am re-evaluating whether I am going to continue the relationship. Suffice to say that we all put our best feet forward in the beginning, but it is only thru the dating process that you find out whether it's a good fit. Age and maturity are not synonymous!! Will I do the cyber thing again. Oh yeah. Did I learn anything new? Oh YEAH. At the top of the list: LISTEN to what you are told at the start, and lay down the ground rules as to what you want-and stick to your guns!! If he is self-deprecating, heed the red flag. If he says that he doesn't deserve you, he doesn't. If he tells you that he hasn't ever had a lasting, healthy relationship, run as fast as you can the opposite way! What you see and hear when you first meet is usually icing on the cake. Listen to the cake!!

P.M., Seattle

After 10+ years of marriage, my husband and I separated. It became apparent that it was not temporary and we realized that we were heading for divorce. About 9 months after leaving, I was ready to meet some new people. Actually ready to try dating again for the first time in 15 years.

My friend had experienced a lot of success with cyberdating so I thought I'd give it a try myself. I was very clear about what I wanted (casual, fun, flirtatious, dating partners) and what I did not want (soul mate, husband-replacement, anything serious). I answered an ad and immediately connected with one individual. We e-mailed each other constantly. Then we talked on the phone. We experienced a mutual connection, attraction, and chemistry.

Then we braved it and went for an in-person meeting. There seemed to be some chemistry, but when all was said and done, there really wasn't. We continued to e-mails as "cyber friends" but realized that it wasn't a good match. nfortunately, the anticipation of meeting and connecting had really built up and the let down was devastating.

However, I tried it again, placing an ad on a different site, I received an abundance of responses. Using the term "casual intimacy" apparently appealed to great deal of men. Unfortunately, this included a LOT of married men, too! (I hen revised the ad to include "no married men, please.). Through this ad, I orresponded with several individuals on a regular basis (i.e., either daily, some more than once a day, and a few just occasionally). This was a lot of fun. It's extremely seductive and gratifying to feel "pursued" like this. Most of the men I met were either going through terrible divorces or had been through a terrible divorce. Most also had children (I have a son). We would e-mails a bit, hen sometimes move to talking on the phone.

Of the responses I received with this ad, I chose to meet a few in-person. One, a widower, turned out to feel too needy to me (remember, I'm trying to keep this casual, right?). Another, a man currently in the midst of a very nasty divorce, though nice and we definitely "connected" on many different levels, turned out to be too

infatuated. At first his attention was exhilarating and then it began to feel a bit like being stalked. I realized after spending a couple of days with him, talking to him on the phone a couple of times a day, and still sending multiple e-mails, that it was getting too intense for me.

At the same time I was having these incredibly wonderful life discussions with someone who'd answered my ad. He was great at challenging my idea of "casual intimacy" and would really push me to clarify what it was that I really wanted, etc. We'd talk on the phone for hours. He's actually the person that helped push me in the direction of just being open to dating just one person and seeing if that worked, as opposed to trying to "date multiple people casually." The man I chose to "exclusively" date was someone who lived only 7 minutes away rom me. He'd been divorced for 3 years. He also had a son (of which he has full custody). He was looking for a casual relationship--someone to go out and do things with, share parenting stories, intimacy, etc. We exchanged photos. He ent me this wonderful picture of himself with his son. I sent him a photo of me. We both liked what we saw. We then talked on the phone several times. I was worried that our backgrounds were too different. I was worried that his past experiences with women was both limited and negative. I was worried that he'd get serious and I'd be wanting to keep everything casual. So, the first date I cancelled. He e-mailed me again a week or so later, just a quick note to see how I was doing with my divorce, etc. Then we started e-mailing again. Very flirtatious, fun, friendly. I knew I wanted to meet him. So I made another date.

The Friday after Thanksgiving. The closer the date got that we were actually going to meet, the more exciting our phone conversations and e-mails got. I continued to emphasize that I was just looking for something casual. Also, up to the point that I actually met him, I was still in contact with a couple of the other people on-line and via phone. I broke my general rule of "just coffee first" and agreed to meet him for dinner and a movie. We met for dinner. We talked, flirted, joked, etc. I had made up my mind ahead of time that it was just going to be "friends." Well, by the end of dinner as we walked to the theater, we were holding hands. Throughout the movie, we held hands. We were like two teenagers. It was crazy. We stood out in the theater parking lot, in the freezing cold for over 2 and 1/2 hours just kissing, talking, and hugging! It was wonderful. Crazy. Exciting. There was definitely "something" between us.

The next morning, I sent him an e-mails and invited him to breakfast. We had breakfast. We held hands. We went to his place. We were together all day that day. And basically, from that day forward, we probably haven't been apart for more than a day or two. Within a couple of weeks, we realized that we were in love. I mean really in love, like neither of us had ever experienced before. So our first e-mails correspondence was early November. Our first date was late >November. I moved in right after Christmas. Our sons are like brothers. We have become a family. He and I are incredibly in love. We are planning to get married. We don't understand how or why we fell in love, so quickly, so intensely, so wonderfully. But we are both grateful each day that we found each other. Corny, but true! ;-)

Okay, some tips on cyberdating (not necessarily in order of importance):

* Be clear about what you are and are not looking for and be willing to state it up front.

* Answer every e-mails you receive, even if it's a cordial "thanks, but no thanks."

* Do not give out too much personal information (e.g., full name, place of work, address, phone number, etc.) right at first. Err on the side of caution. If the person is a nice person, a bit of time, discretion, and common sense is not going to negatively impact the possibility of you two connecting.

* Exchange photos if you can. Connecting a face with words and a voice on the phone helps to alleviate some of the nervousness.

* Realize that even if you have a GREAT rapport on-line and even on the phone, you might not have that same chemistry in person. Try not to build things up too much because it can be very disappointing if it doesn't work out. AND if it doesn't work out, pick yourself up again, and keep trying. There are so many people out there (great, fun, honest, good people) just like you looking to meet someone. You just have to keep looking and be willing to risk a bit to find each other.

* If you think there is some sort of connection, arrange to meet sooner than later. Don't let the "relationship" build up too much on-line or on the phone. Realize that your time (and the other person's) is valuable. And it's better to meet and see if there is any in-person chemistry before investing too much of anything. I agree with just meeting for something casual such as coffee or a short walk or something, so that in the even that it's awkward, the time together is limited.

* Go dutch for the first meeting.

* Always be honest about who you are; what you want; what you are looking for. There is a delicate balance between using your common sense and being cautious and also just trusting other people at face value. Use your intuition. Read the tips provided on the personals web sites. Talk to friends about their experiences, etc.

* Be open to the impossible happening!

Stacie, Seattle

I'm 49, he's 52. I'm divorced and after living through that state for 6 years decided to be pro-active in finding someone to share the details of my life with. I at first looked to the newspaper personals and tried a number or two and discovered it was a fast way to spend money supporting the phone company, personal ad companies, and not get any information of use. Next I turned to the Internet and began searching. I found a great place to view >personals on www.loveline.com. I found the Seattle page to be so well put together that I in turn wrote an ad and posted it (check out their Seattle pages and they are free). The ads are categorized by age which makes searching through them easy and you are not required to be a "member" in rder to contact those already on the board. I found that by the time one reaches our age category, most folks are into serious relationships and most all the game playing has been left behind. There's certainly no point in trying to hide your age, weight, etc. if you are seriously looking to meet and be with someone.

I both contacted others in the personals and responded to those contacting me over several months and ended up with Michael. We chatted back and forth numerous times, moved to sharing photos, (his was posted online) and then phone calls and finally to that eventful first, real live contact! We met at my favorite restaurant in Kirkland. He brought a yellow rose so was easily recognizable. We sat and talked for 3 hours. From there we moved to meeting at restaurants and movies and eventually to the relationship we have now. It's been about two years and we've had a lot of fun. We are planning a permanent future together.

I am always surprised when folks ask me where I met Mike and I reply the >Internet. They think it dangerous....I even had one person tell me I would likely be murdered! I found it positively safe. The last place I want to meet someone is in a bar where they could follow me home or worse! With the Internet, I have the safety of all those firewalls. All e-mails run through the board. No personal information is given out unless I decide to give it out, including my direct e-mails address, phone number, etc. I can spend all the time I want corresponding with someone until I feel I know them well enough to take the next step. With the people I have met through the board, I have never once not felt perfectly safe. Granted, common sense must be exercised when meeting someone in person, but all and all, it's much safer than trying to select from a bar lineup after talking to someone for a mere two hours!

For Michael and I, cyberdating on the Eastside worked very well!

Linda Colby, Bothell

Cyberdating or better yet - a 'virtual' relationship. Could happen to anyone? Probably! I am a professional woman, middle age, degree in psychology who had a relationship on the internet for over a year. Why? Introvert, fear of losing my independence, fear of intimacy, and just a bit lonely but never would admit it. Of course it didn't work. No - we never met. Did it hurt as much to break it off as a real relationship - Yes!

We talked everyday, sometimes a dozen times a day. Not speaking face to face as in a 'real time' relationship but chatting 'on line' for those of you who aren't aware of the differences between real and cyber. We had much of the same of what you would have in 'real' world dates, like romantic dinner dates, both imaginary and real with shared foods and drinks while we chatted or shared imaginary adventures. We let our inhibitions dissolve, demanding honesty of words, feelings and thoughts without fear. We became addicted to the ritual of words and shared thoughts. Our intense friendship evolved over the months. We took on-line psychology evaluation tests together. We made of a game out of learning everything we could about each other. Ultimately - we ended up learning more about ourselves in the process. We also healed each other.

When and if you choose to try out cyber or virtual relationships, imagination and creative writing skills are important. 'Why' you are choosing a 'virtual' relationship over a 'real-time' relationship? It is important to know 'why' you are doing what you doing and what you hope to accomplish by getting involved with someone. Remember that people are 'real' and you or someone else can get hurt in this seemingly harmless process. My suggestion - take your time with it - don't be in a hurry to meet face to face. Spend sometime becoming friends first as you should in any relationship - 'real-time' or 'virtual'.

The 'happy ending' of my story is - because of my 'virtual' relationship I was able to discover in myself what I wanted from a 'real' time relationship and more specifically - why I waited so long. My 'virtual' relationship gave me confidence and heightened my expectations of 'the perfect mate'. I met a man a few months after the ending of my 'virtual' relationship only this time I didn't 'run' or push him away. I embraced this gift of a person who turned out to be 'exactly' the person I wanted to share my 'real' life with. We were married last year. Life is filled with surprises if we don't allow fear to intervene.

Carol, Camano Island