Nick Cannon and 'Underclassman' flunk out

Friday, September 2, 2005

By BILL WHITE
SPECIAL TO THE POST-INTELLIGENCER

"Underclassman" is a showcase for Nick Cannon, a performer whose lone asset is a passing resemblance to Alicia Keys. He cannot act, is not funny and lacks screen charisma. Credited as a co-producer and co-writer as well as lead actor, Cannon bears culpability in triplicate for this disaster.

MOVIE REVIEW

UNDERCLASSMAN

DIRECTOR: Marcos Siega

CAST: Nick Cannon, Roeslyn Sanchez, Shawn Ashmore, Cheech Marin, Kelly Hu, Angelo Spizzirri

RUNNING TIME:

99 minutes

RATING: PG-13 for violence, sexual references, drug material and some teen drinking

GRADE: F

LINKS/TRAILERS
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PHOTO GALLERY

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He plays Tracy Stokes, a bicycle cop who goes undercover as a high school student to solve a murder case. The script is as predictable as a carton of eggs. He arrives at the school, becomes friends with the suspects, finds they are only a front for the real gangsters, and brings the operation down.

Cheech Marin and Kelly Hu, playing fellow police officers, deserve humanitarian awards for not laughing in Cannon's face during their scenes with him.

Among the film's many stale and offensive suppositions is that that the only way for a black person to establish credibility among whites is to demonstrate superior athletic prowess. There is also an innuendo-filled relationship between Stokes and his Spanish teacher that is no less appalling for our knowing that he is an adult in juvenile drag.

The inconsistencies and continuity errors are staggering. The school is an exclusive one for rich kids, yet an expelled drug dealer has the demeanor of a street thug. Uniforms are mandatory wear at all times, yet there is never a shot in the film in which all the students are in compliance with the dress code.

The lowest point in the film is the use of a defecation gag to assist in a getaway scene that triggers half a dozen cheap plot complications. Had it been made 20 years ago, this bomb would have tempted the late-night cable viewer to cancel HBO.