A 'spanking' and two foster kids' world comes apart

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Monday, March 21, 2005

A 'spanking' and two foster kids' world comes apart

By SUSAN PAYNTER
SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER COLUMNIST

They have two of the toughest jobs in the state and, if they make mistakes, there are tragic consequences for kids.

One is Robin Arnold-Williams, the new head of Washington's huge, oft-blamed and beleaguered Department of Social and Health Services.

The other is a Seattle foster mom I'll call Sharon, whose two kids were taken away from her a week ago. She is also in the process of having her foster license lifted.

Folks at the kids' school and at church are outraged that the children were snatched away from this woman they see as a shining star in a tarnished system. A heavy-handed, hard-hearted system that can rip kids away with one hand and shove them into harm's way with the other.

But Sharon's complex and heart-wringing story encapsulates just why Arnold-Williams has a job few want and even fewer understand.

It was dinnertime when Sharon and I talked last week. Nothing to interrupt at her house anymore, she said sadly. No kids spilling milk and the story of their day at school.

She had been this close to finalizing adoption of her 8-year-old foster son and 7-year-old foster daughter when what Sharon calls "the spanking" happened. After 4 1/2 years of giving these kids their first stability after a rocky and neglectful start, the kids suddenly are gone. And -- unfairly, she says -- she's now lumped with awful people who abuse and injure children.

"Absolutely wrong" is how the boy's third-grade teacher describes his removal.

Suddenly, a boy who came to school on time, fed, clothed, fairly well-focused and ready to learn turned into a wild and angry child, screaming and threatening suicide.

"The day after it (the removal) happened he fell apart academically and socially," the teacher said. "You're just picking on me because I'm a foster kid and I got taken away from my mom!" he shouted out in class.

The boy who, days before, was celebrating his impending adoption and new name was now devising a death plan. He would go to a nearby bridge, tie a weight around his neck and jump so he'd never come up, he said.

The threat has an eerie ring. When Sharon first got the boy he went outside to dig a grave for the mom, dad and baby brother he'd never see again, she said. She knew right away both of these kids needed counseling. So she called the Odessa Brown Center.

It's parenting skills like that that convinced staff at the kids' school that Sharon was a resourceful foster mom. After she took a series of parenting classes through an adjunct of the school, she was recruited to actually teach one herself.

"I learned so much from her about how to respond (to kids,)" the teacher told me. "I'd trust my own children with her ... if I had any. And I abhor hitting."

The kids first arrived at school with a couple of backpacks full of problems, a dedicated counselor at the school told me. They'd been bounced around and neglected by and removed from their mom whose parental rights had been severed.

But Sharon was a constant they could count on. She checked in all the time. Came to every meeting. Soon the boy who'd been out of control was thriving and studying. He came to school singing "What a Wonderful World," the Louis Armstrong song Sharon's own grandma had taught him. And the girl's bumpy school start had smoothed.

Now, four years later, the counselor said, both kids are suddenly cut off from the friends, teachers and family that had been their first quilt of comfort.

"I told CPS (Child Protective Services) that this had been a beautiful extended family. And that, now, the kids were enraged, angry and depressed," he said.

So, what happened? Why, with proven foster parents in short supply, would DSHS and various sister agencies converge to tear this seemingly pretty picture in two? Is it really just another example of government machinery run amok?

The frustrating fact is that there is little DSHS can say to explain or defend its actions. And, given recent and shocking stories of kids returned to abusive homes where they have died, this is not an agency that gains much mileage by saying, "Trust us. We know what we're doing."

"Foster parents are held to a higher standard than biological parents because they're dealing with kids who have been previously abused and neglected," was about all DSHS spokeswoman Kathy Spears had the leeway to say about this case. "When DSHS revokes a foster home license, we firmly believe that children cannot be kept there safely and we have the documentation to support that decision," she said.

Spanking is not allowed in foster homes. But, hypothetically, a relatively simple spanking would only trigger an investigation. Especially if it didn't leave marks.

Social workers would assess all the factors and look for patterns and mitigating factors, she explained. For a removal to happen, it has to be something more serious.

Again, hypothetically, you have to ask yourself why a foster parent's license is being revoked? Was this really "just" a spanking? Was it an isolated incident? And were any criminal charges filed? If there were, that's a big red flag, Spears advised.

No one at DSHS could reveal any specifics of Sharon's case or open her file to show me photos of the little girl's bottom. Dozens of calls to agencies that have dealt with the family only elicited this repeated response: A foster license isn't lifted lightly. And, while any harm to vulnerable kids must be looked at in a very harsh light, the circumstance must be seen as serious for this to happen.

What happened, Sharon insisted, is still mind-bending and heartbreaking to her.

After a call from a teacher, she discovered that the little girl, now 7, had been forging her foster mother's signature on notes from her teacher about problem behaviors at school. Sharon claims she had only "slapped" the little girl on the hand once before -- when she was caught shoplifting.

This time she took a bamboo backscratcher and struck the girl's bottom four times.

Was that really all? And, I asked, was the girl visibly injured?

Apparently it was enough for the child to complain that her "butt hurt" at school and for a staff member to take a look and make a call.

By the time Sharon went to pick the kids up at their after-school YMCA program, both were locked in an office and she was told she had a "licensing problem."

She already had raised her own daughter and another foster child and taken care of yet another foster child for two years before Sharon took these siblings into her home.

She wasn't sure she wanted to start all over again. But she loves kids, she said. Had coached community basketball. Was director of the youth department at her church. "And I felt foster care was a way to give back some of what my childhood had been -- the camping and fishing and drill teams. The kinds of things kids need."

She shouldn't have spanked, or struck the child, Sharon said. And she since has told the girl she is sorry. So we talked about "spanking."

I shared my own theory of why I never spanked. If kids are too small to reason with or discipline by withholding privileges, then I figure they're also too small to hit. And, if they're big enough to withstand a whack, they're also big enough to reason with, I believe.

Sharon was spanked only a couple of times as a kid, she said. That was enough for her to get the message. But she thought she had to do something to stop this little girl from forging notes or, next thing she knew, she might be forging checks.

And what about the "red flag" of that assault charge?

Yes, Sharon said, she was initially charged with fourth-degree assault as a result of the abrasions on the little girl's rear. She was given a two-year deferment and ordered to take some classes (both of which she already had taken and taught). And to keep no firearms, which she has never owned. And not to use any form of corporal punishment with children in the future.

But, for the state to consider her abusive is wildly unfair, she insists. She sees it as the overreaction of an agency that has been under fire for allowing real abuse to continue.

All we know for sure is that it's an agency with a necessarily very tight mouth. That DSHS Director Arnold-Williams and Sharon both have some wrenching issues to deal with. And that, once again, two kids are in the wind, looking for someone to count on.

Susan Paynter's column appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Call her at 206-448-8392 or send e-mail to susanpaynter@seattlepi.com.

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